The Sign
by smartkid37
Summary: Leroy Jethro Gibbs and Tim McGee have something in common. What is it and how does it affect each of them? Can either one of them help the other? Tag: Light Sleeper. Adult Themes
1. Emotional Survival

This was my very 1st "Project." It's been stuck in my head since the very 1st time I stumbled across fanfiction and got the urge to write one. "This" is the one I wanted to do.

Tag: _Light Sleeper_: This story takes place immediately following where the episode stopped.

* * *

The case had been wrapped up tight and the only sound heard in the squad room was that of keyboards being used at warp speeds as case reports were currently being typed up. Strangely enough, the squad room was otherwise quiet. Although; given the circumstances of the case they were typing up the reports on; the solomn atmosphere within the quietness; was actually not surprising at all. They had all been affected by this case. The Korean Sleeper Cell here in the US; right under their noses?

Seeing those families ripped apart by the events the team had unraveled; upset them all. The near death experience with the "really big bomb" as Tony had so adequately put it when he'd first seen it; had seriously affected them all; they'd been as quiet as church mice since it had been diffused. Yes, this case; the last couple of days, in fact; had been extremely nerve wracking for all of them.

Each agent, although trying to stay on task; wanting to get their report done while everything was still fresh on their minds; was fighting a losing battle. They all had somewhere else their mind kept wandering to; pieces of this case that had affected them in different ways.

Tony's mind kept going back to the size of the bomb and the fact that it had been made with no chatter erupting to alert any of the ARMFED food chain; at least, not they'd heard. He was thankful that no one had gotten hurt or worse; died today. He looked around the squad room; thankful that everyone had made it back from this one alive.

Ziva was perturbed that none of her contacts had; well; contacted her, to alert her to this terrorist cell. In fact; she was outraged at how close this came to having not ended well. There would have been some serious asses to kick; well, if she'd survived to kick them; anyway.

A tiny part of her brain reflected back to and wondered about Gibbs' comments to her, back at the family's house; when this case first broke open:

_(__ZIVA MOVES THE PICTURE ON THE WALL; NOTICING THE CRACK AND THE HOLE BENEATH IT__)  
__GIBBS: Sign of an unhappy marriage.  
ZIVA: Funny. I thought it looked like a hole in the wall. _

_GIBBS: It's about fist-sized. Husband probably hit the wall instead of hitting his wife._

Ziva briefly wondered if he had been speaking from personal first hand experience; or maybe from what he'd witnessed as a child? He did not seem the type to ever come close to actually striking a woman; so, it was probably something he'd seen as a child; she supposed. It was so out of character for him to talk about such private matters; even in such an indirect way. It definitely stayed with her that he had done so. Giving her head a slight shake; she forcibly moved her thoughts back to the facts of the case and attempted once again; to finish her report.

Tim was inwardly shaken. That bomb had been huge; and it had been a close call. He'd never had to deal with that before. Not only that; but the whole ordeal back at that family's house the day before had really shaken him up. He never thought he'd have to see the two situations together again, it was partly why he had taken this job; so he wouldn't ever see it again. It had taken everything he had inside of him to not react to Gibbs' comments to Ziva about the cracked wall with the fist sized hole in it. He had quickly gotten himself back on task; to give himself time to trample down on everything that had risen up in him when he'd heard that piece of conversation. With extreme will-power; he'd returned his focus entirely to the case at hand.

But it had only gotten worse from there. Although, he had marveled at the ease with which Gibbs had taken over care of the baby; to help the mother out; Tim had been hugely relieved to be able to make good his escape. More than ten years ago; and it was still as painful as if it had happened yesterday. It hurt too damn much; and he couldn't deal with right now.

Gibbs was silently trying to decompress. This case had been especially difficult for him. He had been incensed; as he always was; to see a family torn apart by politics and hidden agendas. He hated it when innocent children paid the price for the choices the adults in their lives made. It made him sick when entire families paid the ultimate price for doing what was right.

While his own forced sacrifices always there in the back of his mind, to remind him why he took this job and stayed with it; why he trained others to do it well; his heart ached for this family; a mother who sacrificed so much for the life of her child; for that child's safe future; a husband; who loved and provided for his family; while being totally clueless as to the danger he'd been in; and a helpless child; caught in the middle; and now left without a mother to help her grow up. It was times like these that made Gibbs angry enough to want to punch a couple of walls, himself.

It had been second nature to rescue the helpless baby from his hapless agent; but it had only served to re-light the smoldering flame of agony that burned steady in his heart. It had taken everything he had within himself to hold his pain inside while he did what needed to be done; solve this case. Fourteen years; and it was still so painful, he could barely breathe when he thought of them; like it had happened yesterday. And it seemed a lifetime ago, when the experience he'd spoken to Ziva about earlier; had been an unhappy milestone in his younger life.

He hadn't been surprised at McGee's ineptness at holding a baby; hell; the kid was barely old enough to be away from home on his own! Well, no; that's not fair; the kid is actually older than he looks; but, Gibbs hadn't been happy to have to do it. They had a case to solve; he didn't need this getting in the way. He couldn't help what had come naturally for him to do; rescue the crying baby; when experience told him what she was needing. Silently, he had sent up a prayer for strength to get through this one.

Strangely enough; as McGee was handing over the baby; and even as he was beating a hasty retreat; the look in his eyes was very familiar to Gibbs; and not because he'd seen it in the young man's eyes before; but because he'd seen it staring back at himself; when he'd looked in the mirror back those 14 years ago! It was a look you could never forget. Something was going on with this boy. Unfortunately, there had been no time to get into it then.

The sudden stillness of the squad room snapped Gibbs' attention back to the present with a resounding thud in his heart. Looking around, he was surprised to find that he was almost alone. Tony and Ziva had apparently, silently slipped their reports onto his desk; having been careful not to disturb him as he'd been lost in his thoughts. McGee, while probably finished with his report, too; had stopped what he was doing and was lost in his own thoughts; his eyes looking like wherever his mind had gone; was not a pleasant place.

Once again, Gibbs was reminded of the look he'd seen in this young man's eyes at the beginning of this case. Wanting to get to the bottom of it; yet unwilling to do it just yet; Gibbs mentally wrote himself a note to do it later; maybe after the weekend off; McGee would be ready to talk. It was obvious, he wasn't ready now. He'd been so closed up about it; Gibbs wouldn't have even caught it; if he hadn't been looking at him; watching him closely.

Yeah. He knew the feeling. Knowing that his agent needed to get done with the report so he could go home; he did what he had to do.

"McGee!"

Tim snapped back to the present as he looked at the man who had called his name.

"Boss?"

"Done?"

Tim quickly looked over his report; typed in the case #, saved it and hit print. "Yes, Boss." He answered as he got up and took his report off the printer and handed it to Gibbs.

"Good. Okay; call it a night. See you Monday." Gibbs rewarded him. Since he was still present and accounted for; Gibbs decided to go ahead and let him go home. The others would have to wait until he could see them; before he'd let them go.

"Thanks, Boss. 'Night," Tim quietly gave back; as he gathered up his stuff; locked down his station; and headed out; his eyes stuck to his feet as he walked.

Gibbs frowned. Something was off with his youngest agent.

"McGee!"

"Boss?"

Gibbs waited silently; his way of letting his agent know; he was expected to come back to Gibbs' desk to see what he wanted of him. McGee approached Gibbs' desk timidly; not prepared for anything. Unsure of what was coming.

"Something bothering you?" Gibbs asked him quietly.

Tim looked at him in shock as he thought; _Man, this guy's perceptive!_ Since Tim didn't know how to lie; and wasn't prepared to let him in on something he was trying to re-bury; he was kinda stuck.

"Yes." McGee's honesty did Gibbs proud.

"Wanna tell me about it?" Gibbs asked in all seriousness

"Thank you, but no… I'll… be… fine." Tim managed to stammer out.

"Okay. Just remember, my door's never locked." Gibbs volunteered. "Night, Tim." He quietly ended the conversation; picking up his coffee cup and heading out of the squad room for a refill.

McGee was stunned; and thankful. He'd called him by his first name! Gibbs had picked up on him being upset about something. Tim was stunned that he'd actually seemed willing to listen! And not just at this moment, either; apparently. The guy was willing to wait until Tim was ready to talk? He was thankful for that.

Gibbs realized this case had adversely affected all of them. By Monday, they should all be right as rain; as much as can be expected after experiencing something like this; anyway. He could only hope that if McGee needed to talk about whatever it was that was bothering him; he would come see him; as he'd invited him to do.

When Tony and Ziva returned to the squad room; he released them as well; no longer having the heart to delay their free time. The sooner they left; the sooner he could have some peace and quiet and be able to regroup. When they left; both Tony and Ziva seemed in better spirits than they had been earlier in the day. Gibbs wasn't sure if it was because he'd threatened to fire them if they ever disobeyed a direct order; and they'd obviously taken that to be his way of saying something nice about them; of if it was something else. Either way; they seemed to be fine; and so he had no cause for concern there.

As he headed home; Tim tried to put this case behind him; tried to rebury everything it had uncovered within himself; too. But, now that it had become uncovered; down deep; where it had been lying dormant for all this time; it burned like someone had poured alcohol on it in a twisted cruel joke. Tim. was thankful he had hidden it well; back in the house; that the baby's crying had been a huge distraction. It had made for a great cover. Tim was okay with his boss thinking he was inept with babies. It was better than him knowing the truth.

Luckily; Tim seemed to be able to drive on auto-pilot; as he didn't know how else he'd made it home. Once he got there; he attempted to immerse himself into his book-writing; even giving that up for a session of his "free-writing"; hoping that would let off some of his frustration and rising negative emotions; he felt rushing up and feared being unable to stop.

Gibbs found himself busy work; unwilling to give his mind any license to think about anything else; he waded through the knee deep piles of paperwork that had yet to be done; older case reports that needed signatures; cold case updates; employee notations in their files to be used in their reviews; anything he could think of to keep his mind too busy to think on it's own. Two hours later found that he'd accomplished a great deal; in fact; the paperwork was almost caught up; and he was in a better frame of mind; more capable of relaxing now. With a contented sigh; he closed up shop for the night and headed out.

Two hours later; Tim found that all he'd accomplished was nothing. Pages and pages of gibberish; his hands were exhausted; and his mind was still stuck where it had been two hours ago. Giving up with a disgusted sigh; Tim called Abby to see if she wanted to go to a movie. All he got was her voicemail; so he just kept his message to a "saying hello" and ended the call. Trying Ziva's number; he got the same results. Again, he gave up in his endeavor. This time; he simply took himself off to see a movie; figuring it was the only way he'd get his mind off this case and everything it had dredged up.

Going home; Gibbs felt drawn to his boat. Working the planer on it soothed his nerves and kept his hands constructively busy. It also kept his mind on an even keel. This was where he kept/lost his sanity; in the security of his basement; working on a boat he would never sail; but always rebuild.

After the movie; Tim felt better; and without giving any thought to anything other than the movie; he was able to give in to exhaustion and sleep. Just before he nodded off; he prayed that it would be a peaceful night's sleep.

Gibbs worked himself into exhaustion; needing to be able to just drop off to sleep; refusing to head to his bed until he was that tired. There was no way; he was gonna go up there and just lie in bed and think himself to death. He couldn't handle that. He didn't need that. When he finally called it quits and made his way up to his bed; as he got comfortable; he hoped he would be able to get a peaceful night's sleep.


	2. Childhood Revisited

_Another picture had been moved! That's two in one week! Doesn't Mom realize there aren't enough pictures hanging up for this not to get noticed? He asks himself as he takes the latest one moved; down and studies the wall behind it; sure enough; the tell-tale signs are there; less then perfect sanding; half-done putty applied to the hole. Yup; that's what I heard last night; Dad punching through the wall; again._

_Once again; he is awoken by the yelling; it's only 9 pm and they're fighting. Holding his hands over his ears; underneath his pillow; doesn't stop the pain he feels in his heart; or the tears from flowing down his face; why do they fight like this? Dion't they know how sick it made him feel inside? Don't they care that they were tearing his life apart right in front of him? Didn't they realize how much it had hurt him to think; even for a second; the first time he'd found a hole repair; that his dad was hitting his mom? Sitting up with a jolt; he realized; he'd just heard it again; another fist going through yet another wall._

Jolted awake; with sweat pouring down his face; He woke up so suddenly; he felt disorientated. Hating the fact that his bad childhood memories had come back to haunt him; he got up out of bed; knowing it would be hell trying right away to get back to sleep; a sleep he wasn't sure would be peaceful anyway. Making his way to his kitchen; he set the coffee brewing. As he waited for it to get done; he noticed the time. 2 AM. Damn.

* * *

_Another picture to have to move! **Damn it! Stop! Why do you have to do this? Why can't you just love each other?** His anquished questions; screamed out as they are; instantly drowned out by the screaming match in progress in front of him. Soon; as usual; he was scooping up the baby; quickly carrying her away from this nightmare. Tucking her safely away in his bedroom; he fixes her bottle; changes her; and croons her back to sleep in safety. Such was the routine now; not weekly; but daily. With no__ concern for each other or for either the child watching in horror as his life was being shredded right in front of his eyes; or for the helpless baby that needed rescuing every night. _

_Suddenly; he was jarred from his despair. That noise; once again; heard loud and clear; as yet another hole was punched in the wall! This time; his mind seemed to snap and he ran out of the bedroom and began to scream. Suddenly, his screams stopped in mid -motion as he felt himself struck hard across the face. Falling to the floor; he writhed and rolled in both physical and emotional agony. Vaguely; he's aware that the baby is being taken away; the fighting is escalating as the baby is now being held in the midst of the fight; something he always tried to prevent. Needing to do his job; he tries to pick himself up off the floor; only to be knocked down again; and just when he thinks the worst is over; he hears a thump; and the baby screams in holy terror Blackness swallows him whole._

Snapped awake by the pain; with sweat just dripping off him; he sat up; and realizing he in fact; had tears rolling down his face; he wiped them away with his shirt. Unwilling to be pulled back into that place; he got up and brewed some coffee. While he was waiting for it to brew; he checked his watch. 1:30 AM. Damn.

* * *

_2:15 AM_

For the rest of this side of the world; the lights are out and the bodies are slumbering away in peaceful dreamland. Except for the now wide awake man who decides it's time to work on his boat some more; since it's the only thing that gets him through times like this.

And except for the young man who has braved the drive and the possible wrath of the man; who even though had offered to listen; probably didn't mean at this time of the night. Maybe it would make it better; that he doesn't want' to talk; he just wants; needs the silent company this trip to this house would almost certainly guarantee.

* * *

As he works the hand tools to the boat; he feels the peace and calmness slowly; very slowly return to his soul. He allows his mind to wander off in search of something much more pleasant to think about. It's a while before he's cognitive of time and place again; suddenly realizing he's no longer alone.

Snapping around in preparedness to defend himself; Gibbs is quickly brought up short by the sight that meets him. Sitting on his basement steps; in absolute silence; lost in his own tormented thoughts; as the tears rolling down his face; give testament to; is one Tim McGee.


	3. A Silent Cry for Help

_A/N: Please forgive my error in Chapter 1. I have fixed it. It is a simple but vital two word change; "10 years" has been changed to "More than 10 years." I apologise_.

* * *

The sound of the ocean always managed to calm Tim McGee; no matter how stressed or distressed he seemed to be. Thankfully; it was Saturday; a Saturday without the requirement of being on call for the agency. Having this opportunity to relax in his favorite place; early in the morning; was a balm to his sorrow-filled soul. Sitting here; overlooking the peaceful water; Tim always seemed able to think better than almost anywhere else in the world.

Usually, when he came here, Tim managed to; as the old song said; cast his cares on the water; let them get swallowed up and carried away; but now; this time; he didn't feel strong enough to let go of the lid he'd just barely managed to slide over them last night. He knew he had to do something constructive with everything he was so tenuously holding bottled up. Tim knew he needed to find a way to put them all securely away; out of his mind; forever this time. Before he could find the strength to put his painful, unhappy memories away; though; he needed to sort through them; find the ones that weren't quite so unhappy; didn't hurt quite so much. If he dug around long enough or deep enough; he should be able to even come up with the few good ones that were buried amongst the wreckage; the ones that would sustain him.

Right now; he lacked the strength to go through them alone. As he sat in the sand; with his arms wrapped around his drawn up knees; his head resting sideways on his knees; the young man thought back through the events of the last 8 hours.

* * *

_Tim braved his boss' domain; at 2:15 in the morning; something he'd never done before. As he quietly walked into Gibbs' house and descended his boss' stairs; he was shocked that Gibbs hadn't heard him coming. But then again; he was relieved not to have disturbed the man; who'd seemed deeply engrossed in his own thoughts; letting his hands do their magic on his boat. _

_Profoundly grateful for this opportunity for quiet company; Tim silently sat down on the stairs; content to watch the talented man work. Did Gibbs even realize that he was now the one wearing his heart on his sleeve as he worked on his beloved craft? Probably not; since it was pretty much a given that the man didn't realize he even had company; the young man reasoned. He was startled to see such raw emotion on his boss' face. After all; Gibbs hardly ever allowed himself to show any emotion on the job. But, then again, the guy was in his own home; so why wouldn't he be dealing with his demons in his own way?_

_His demons. Tim was reminded of the reason he was here. This Sleeper Cell case had ripped up the carpeting on everything he'd long swept so far under; he'd never even had to trip over them; until now. These memories and accompanying nightmares and pain were all from so long ago; back when it had been so easy to hide from them and sweep them out of his mind; out of his life. But now? How the hell did he go about reburying it all now? And how in God's name did he go about stopping this pain from ripping his heart out all over again? Why did it hurt so bad; like it had just happened yesterday?_

_It wasn't long before Tim's mind became buried in his memories as they'd returned with a vengence; not content to only haunt his sleep. As the less than pleasant flashes resembling video stills marched through his mind; the pain that always came with them; marched in too; opening the floodgate of tears once again in its' wake. Mired in the mess of his unsettled mind; Tim was unaware of the tears; as they coursed down his face; of Gibbs' quickly becoming aware of his presence; completely unaware he'd just scared his boss damn near to death. Hell; Tim never even realized Gibbs climbed the stairs around him and brought him back down a drink. _

_It wasn't until Gibbs placed the drink in his hands; wrapping Tim's hands around the glass; but not yet letting go; that Tim's mind registered the feel of the cold glass in his hands; Gibbs' hand supporting the glass. As Tim found his way back from the depth of his pain and misery; enough to reconnect with time and place; he immediately began stammering and tripping over his words trying desperately to hide his shame and embarrassment while apologising to his boss._

_"Relax, Tim. It's okay. Just let me know you're here next time." Gibbs quietly admonished him._

_Nodding his head in speechless agreement and understanding; Tim clutched the glass as if it were his life preserver. As he remained frozen where he sat; he felt himself getting sucked right back into the bottomless pit of sorrow and heartbreak; along with the accompanying pain that he'd just barely managed to escape from __with Gibbs' help. While he manged to hold back the tears this time; Tim still felt like he was sinking. _

_He'd never been here before; an adult with his emotions at full throttle but no experience in shutting away; locking up the grief and loss; the pain and heartbreak of things experienced; the brokenness of a soul experiencing such pain too early in life mixed in with it. He needed help with figuring out how to do it; but didn't know how to ask for it. Where once he'd been able to bury it so completely; as if it had never happened at all; now, it left him struggling to even breathe. He needed someone to wake him up; pinch him; tell him it had all been a bad dream. _

_As he'd long been trained in his miltary family; and by the man standing in front of him with concern written all over his face; Tim McGee mentally harnessed every bit of his self-control; stood up; and looked his boss square in the eye._

_"Thank you. I'm sorry for intruding on you at this hour." and with the respect borne of his upbringing and for the man he was speaking to; he stood there; when all he really wanted to do was run; from the unavoidable; the inescapable; the mess inside his head._

_"Not a problem, Tim" Gibbs quietly reassured him._

_His boss' quiet tone and lack of volume rattled Tim almost as much as the drink being placed in his hand had done. With the untouched drink still in his hand; Tim nodded his acceptance of the man's words and turned to head up the stairs; silently; contemplatively; with resigned exhaustion setting in his stooped shoulders. As he neared the the top step; Gibbs' next words stopped him in his tracks._

_"McGee! You can't drive all the way home. It's too late; you're exhausted; not thinking straight. Go crash in my guest room. Top of the stairs to the right." the stern order was given in the tone used when Gibbs expected not to be argued with._

_Knowing that the last thing he needed right now was to close his eyes and let his overwrought mind take over what little control he was hanging on to; but not wanting to argue with his boss; Tim settled for the truth; and the manners entrenched in his character._

_"Thank you. But, I can't."_

_"McGee!"_

_"I couldn't possibly sleep now, Boss." he explained earnestly. "If I even close my eyes; I..." he couldn't finish; hoping Gibbs' mind could figure it for the man._

_Gibbs looked at him for a long silent minute. It was unnerving but Tim stood his ground._

_"All right. At least drink a cup of coffee before you leave." his boss finally relented calmly._

_"Thank you." Tim offered before turning back to the stairs and subsequently reaching the kitchen. Gibbs followed him up the stairs; and quickly set about wordlessly making a pot of fresh coffee. While it was brewing the man disaapeared momentarily. With perfect timing; Gibbs returned to the kitchen as the coffee was finishing it's brewing; and set about fixing coffee for both of them._

_"Come on; let's go sit where it's more comfortable." the man encouraged as he led Tim to the living room and pointed him in the direction of the couch. As Gibbs took a seat in the chair near the couch; Tim got comfortable on the couch and actually felt himself begin to relax. It was the first time he could remember feeling relaxed around his boss. Maybe it being the first time he was around the man while they weren't at work or on the clock had something to do with that. With a small smile; Tim noticed the pillow and blanket sitting at the other end of the couch. His boss seemed completely relaxed now; utterly unperturbed and willing to silently sit and relax; talk about absolutely nothing; like it was the most normal thing in the world for the two of them to sit here like this. Tim's mind couldn't wrap itself around this very well._

_Surprisingly enough; instead of waking him up; Gibbs' coffee seemed to make him feel the exhaustion take him over; and almost without thinking twice about it; he set his cup down on the table beside the couch; and laid the top half of his body over on the couch; desperate; all of a sudden; for the feel of a soft pillow under his head._

_Waking up; Tim ws disorientated. Slowly; he became aware that he was on a couch; covered with a blanket. Gibbs was sleeping in the chair next to the couch. Wait! Gibbs! What the hell happened? Cautiously; Tim allowed himself to think back to last night. Looking at his watch; he noticed it was only 7. As he began to recall the events of last night; Tim silently and steathily got up; folded the blanket and left it on the pillow; before retreating to the kitchen to fix fresh coffee._

_As he sat and drank a cup of coffee; he wrote Gibbs a note. There was no way in hell he was gonna wake the man; no matter how uncomfortable he looked in that chair. Tim's embarrassment would never recover from something like that. Feeling exhausted and drained; like he hadn't slept at all; Tim looked over the note he'd written. __Slipping out of the house; Tim popped his car in reverse; letting it roll back out to the street before starting it up and driving away. _

_As he drove; he sent up a silent thank you for Gibbs' silent; deliberate; caring deviousness. There was no doubt; the man had slipped a sedative into Tim's coffee; but all Tim could feel about it; was gratitude; especially when you threw in the fact that the man had obviously sat up with him; watched over him; even as he slept. You couldn't possibly be upset with the guy for that. One couldn't help but realize the man had obviously been around Ducky for too long. It brought a smile to his face; exhausted as he was._

* * *

Now, here he was; at 8 in the morning; sitting at the beach; trying to figure things out for himself; again. Still exhausted; frustrated and beginning to feel like he would never see normal again; Tim gave up trying to enjoy the sound of the waves gently lapping into the sand; the gulls squawking for their territory or food; gave up trying to enjoy the light breeze that normally seemed to take his problems with it as it passed through his hair. None of it was helping; for the first time he could ever remember; Tim McGee was not calmed by the ocean.

* * *

Gibbs woke up stiff and sore; sitting in his living room chair. Slightly disorientated; it took him a minute to remember what led him to sleeping in the chair. Looking over at his couch where he'd left his peacefully sleeping agent last; he was startled to find it empty; save the folded blanket and stacked pillow. _Wait! Folded?_ Quickly getting up and heading into the kitchen; smelling the fresh coffee; he wasn't actually surprised; at this point; to find Tim's note.

_**Boss:**_

_Thank you. For everything.  
__I'm sorry For everything._

_**Tim McGee  
**_

As Gibbs sat back down in his living room chair, sipping his coffee; he thought back to the events of the night before.

* * *

_When Gibbs was brought up short at the sight of Tim McGee lost in obvious pain, grief and tears while he sat on Gibbs' steps; he'd been both startled almost into a heart attack; and deeply concerned. His concern for this young man earlier in the evening; back at work; paled in comparison to the concern he felt for him now. Then again; Tim McGee was giving him much more cause for concern now; than he had earlier._

_As he issued the open invitation to the young man earlier in the evening; reminding him that the boss' door was always open to him; Gibbs never dreamt that his agent would take him up on the offer at 2 in the morning. Come to think of it; he never thought Tim McGee would take him up on it at all; ever! The kid was still trying to find his feet on the team; and having had them seemingly kicked out from underneath his several times already since he'd joined this team most certainly hadn't helped him any. With the death of Erin; Tim's first assigned solo case; and then just as tragically; Kate; it was a wonder the kid was still here. Especially when you threw in the survivor's guilt they all knew he still carried with him. Although no one talked about it any more; it was equally clear; at least it was to Gibbs; no one had forgotten either. It was at times like this; none before as serious as this though; that Gibbs wondered if Tim realized no one had forgotten._

_Even so; for this to have happened; as late at night/early in the morning as it had; and with such drastic emotional outpouring from this normally strong, silent young man; Gibbs knew something really, seriously; horribly bad had to have happened to this kid at one time in his life; whatever it was had been brought back to the surface by the case they'd just wrapped up. And while Gibbs had sensed something like this was coming; he felt totally unprepared for the depth of emotion he was seeing now. There was no doubt about it; Tim McGee needed someone to talk to. Even with everything that was on his own mind; Gibbs only concern at the moment was helping his hurting agent/cum surrogate son._

_While this reaction seemed out of charactor for Gibbs; the entire situation was so far beyond normal; hell; even Tim was acting out of charactor. If this case could throw the unrelenting Tim McGee for this much of a loop; then acting unlike himself; was the least of Gibbs' problems at the moment. Besides; just because no one credited him with being human; didn't make the skeptics right._

_Once he'd thought to get Tim a drink to bolster his strength; and put it in his hands; watching him come back to the present was startling. Gibbs hadn't realized just how far the kid had been sucked under the weight of whatever it was that had brought him here; both physically to his house; and emotionally to this point. Tim McGee uncontrolled? Not something anyone would have ever guessed they'd see. And once they did? Well; it wasn't something Gibbs would ever be able to forget. No; the pain this kid was mired in was too sharp; too real._

_Gibbs watched silently as the young man in front of him battled and fought desperately to regain control of his demons and monsters. Yeah; it was glaringly obvious the kid needed someone to talk to. When he hit on that thought; monsters; Gibbs frowned. When he'd read through Tim's personnel file right before he made it his mission to get him on his team; there'd been no mention of anything traumatic in his childhood or at all. Then again; his early childhood record hadn't been included. At the time; Gibbs hadn't been too concerned; didn't pursue it. But, now? Now; he'd really like to know what was missing; more than that; looking at the emotional mess staring him in the face; it was suddenly obvious; he needed to know what was in that file; what this young man had been through. One thing was certain; Leory Jethro Gibbs' own earlier nightmare no longer held even a space in his mind at this point._

_After getting Tim to accept his need for a cup of coffee before he left; Gibbs had gone to retrieve a blanket and pillow for him; and came back in time to doctor the kid's coffee; knowing if he was dosed enough; he'd be able to find sleep. Gibbs would sit with him; watch over him as he slept; help keep the monsters he was afraid of finding behind his closed eyes; at bay. _

_The parental lion in him had been awakened and was now chomping at the bit to take care of this kid; see him through what seemed to be his personal hell. As Tim had given in to the exhastion; laid his head down on the couch; Gibbs had actually found himself smiling. Setting the pillow up under the guy's head; stretching him out; taking his shoes off for him; and covering him wth a blanket; had a parental sense of rightness settling over the older man as he himself settled down in his chair; to watch over his surrogate son; ready to deal with any and all intrusions into Tim's sleep._

_It had turned into a long set of hours for the lion. Tim never seemed to catch more than an hour of peaceful slumber before something was disturbing his sleep; making him restless; cry out in his sleep. Repeatedly, the name Laura was wrenched from the young man's heart and soul as he cried it out in a grief-stricken tone. Each time the monsters came knocking on Tim's door; Gibbs was there to send them away; back where they came from. A calming hand on the shoulder; a soothing voice in his ear.; and Tim's sleep once again became restful. By 5 in the morning; Gibbs was chomping at the bit to talk to Ducky about this. There was no way this kid was getting any decent sleep! How long had this been going on? _

_Such was the last conscious thought Gibbs remembered before sleep claimed him._

_

* * *

_

Now, here it was 8 in the morning and Gibbs found himself staring at Tim's note with both relief and concern.


	4. Calling on Ducky

Smart enough to know he was unfit to drive any long distance, as tired as he was, Tim McGee acted on autopilot. Once back in the safety and security of NCIS and the comfort zone of his desk, his workspace, he began to feel his stress level come down out of the rafters and actually leave him with enough of the calmness he needed to find what he was looking for.

He zoned in on his need to find information. Knowing he needed to talk things out, get this impossible mess out of his head, was leading him to dig up everything he could. The less he had to talk about, what could be read from a file, the better. He did not want to have to travel down that pothole filled memory lane any further than absolutely necessary.

Two hours later, his sluggish brain had finally accomplished its task. Now, short on sleep and nourishment, Tim took the file he'd just put together with him as he signed off his work station, making sure to erase all traces of his non-work related searches first, and took himself upstairs to an out of the way 'on-call' break room that included a couch. As he began to feel exhaustion winning the fight, once again, his last conscious thought was that, thankfully, for the first time in two weeks, his mind was blank. It was great!

* * *

Gibbs let his exhaustion from helping Tim through the night and shelving his own emotional upheaval onto the back burner, take over as he drifted back to sleep.

* * *

It _was_ great, while it lasted. Though he had taken none with him into dreamland, his memories had most certainly tracked him down where he rested, invading, disturbing, preventing, once again, any real sleep from permeating his body or soul, but more importantly, his mind. With a disgusted sigh born of resignation and utter exhaustion, Tim glanced at his watch, as he got up from the couch, _10:30 AM. Damn, it wasn't even lunchtime on Saturday. It was gonna be a hellofa long weekend!_

Feeling ready to explode on more than one level, Tim did what he thought was best, took himself to the employee gym, desperate for some sort of release, the pressure, the emotional overload, all of it needed to get out. The punching bag got its workout for the next 30 minutes, kicks and punches rained down on it like there was no tomorrow. Once he'd reached the end of his endurance, having taken longer than Tim had thought possible under the circumstances; Tim shuffled into the locker room and practically threw himself down on the thankfully wide bench, and promptly fell asleep. The drop of a hat had nothin' on this kid, today, anyway.

* * *

Eleven in the morning found Gibbs waking back up, now more than a little concerned about Tim, once again. Suddenly, too antsy to even work on his boat, Gibbs calmed himself down when he realized it was concern for Tim that had made him restless. Indirectly, that had brought up his concern for the rest of the team. He had looked them over expressly last night, checking and cross checking his radar before they left to make sure they were okay from this case. The rest of his team was fine, thankfully.

Going back over everything he'd seen, heard and thought in regard to his youngest field agent, in the last two weeks, things didn't look too good. But it was Tim's inability to sleep well that held Gibbs' concern most. Whatever was tormenting him in his sleep, knowing Tim like he did, Gibbs surmised, it was most likely keeping him from eating right, too.

Although, no one had any cause to question Tim's job performance since he'd come on the team, except the few times Gibbs had acted like the ass he could be, and done it himself in his typically asinine way. No, it was the kid's health; Gibbs was most concerned about, both physical and mental. Knowing the physical downfall of a body could and often did lead to an acceleration of the mental downfall, something Tim was quite obviously already dealing with, Gibbs reaffirmed in his mind, the need to talk to Ducky, both to find out if Tim had chosen to confide in him and if anything could be done for him.

If Tim had already chosen Ducky as his confidante, than Ducky needed to be brought up to speed on the events of last night, and Tim needed to be looked after by the M.E., at least for the remainder of the weekend. Gibbs did not want Tim trying to get through this alone; he lived too far from the rest of the team, with the exception of Ziva, of course. But the simple fact of the matter was, he'd driven all the way to Gibbs' house last night when he couldn't sleep, and Gibbs didn't want him taking that kind of risk again. Taking out his cell phone, Gibbs made the call.

_"Jethro, what can I do for you?"_ Ducky enthusiastically answered his cell phone.

"Have lunch with me, Duck." Gibbs requested.

_"Oh, Jethro, I can't. Mother's day nurse won't be here for another hour. Why don't you come here, have lunch with Mother and I?"_ Ducky asked in all earnestness. It had been way too long since the two of them had visited outside of work.

"Thanks, Duck. I'll be there." Gibbs answered gratefully.

Noon found Gibbs safely and happily ensconced in Ducky's dining room, enjoying sandwiches with Ducky and Victoria. For once, even Ducky's mother was behaving herself, chattily keeping up with the bland conversation the gentlemen had started about the weather, for her sake.

When Ms. Jayne, Victoria's Day Nurse, had assisted Ducky's mother out to the car for her afternoon outing and they'd gone. Ducky turned back to Jethro in expectation. He knew something was on the younger man's mind and knew Jethro needed to ask him something.

"Jethro? What seems to be the trouble?" Ducky jumped right to the punch line.

* * *

Half-past noon found Tim McGee, right on schedule, waking up from his bad dreams. Unable to stand the fight he was waging single-handedly, the young man made a decision, and took out his cell phone, hitting a speed dial #.

* * *

Before Gibbs could even open his mouth to answer Ducky's question, the M.E.'s cell phone rang. Upon answering it, Ducky's face became etched in concern, turning Gibbs' concern up a notch, in relay.

_"Ducky."_ Tim's quiet voice startled the M.E.

"Timothy?" Ducky exclaimed, throwing Gibbs concern into high gear.

_Oh, God! What happened to him?_

As Ducky continued to listen to whatever Tim was saying, his features relaxed, as did his tone, helping, in turn, to tone Gibbs' own concern back down to where his heart could once again beat normally.

_"Ducky, I'm sorry to disturb your weekend."_

"Nonsense, my dear boy, what seems to be the trouble?

_"Ducky, I need help sleeping. I haven't been able to sleep for more than an hour at a time for the last two weeks now and I can't seem to win this one."_ Tim admitted with abject resignation in his tone.

"Oh, dear. Timothy, can you drive as far as my house?" Ducky asked in concern.

"You tell him I'm gonna come get him! I don't want him driving! Where is he?" Gibbs demanded, his nervous concern overriding everything else at the moment. Grabbing his car keys, he bolted for the door, forcing Ducky to almost run to catch up to him, while still holding the phone, and Tim in conversation.

_"Yeah, Ducky, I can drive that far."_ Tim admitted, unwilling to put up a fight, but not really sure he could drive even that far.

"Timothy, never mind driving here. We'll come get you. We're on our way." Ducky informed him. "You stay where you are. Where are you?"

_"Work."_ Tim's answers were getting shorter by the minute.

"Whatever are you doing at work, my dear boy?" Ducky asked in consternation. "It's Saturday and you are not on call."

_"Yeah, Ducky, I know. Couldn't sleep, had something I had to do, tried to nap. Several times. Only get in an hour here. There. Can't do it anymore. Ducky. Who's we?"_

"Jethro and I, my dear boy. We were having lunch together." Ducky answered calmly.

_"Oh. Okay. Should I be worried? Never mind. Don't answer ..."_ Tim's voice dwindled out to silence.

Gibbs floored it at the concerned look that once again crossed Ducky's face, and the traffic flew by as he raced his usual pace to work. Knowing he'd get caught up in whatever this was regarding Timothy, soon, Ducky called his mother's day nurse and arranged for her to stay the night. Feeling much better at having that taken care of, Ducky attempted to relax, as much as possible with Jethro behind the wheel, Jethro on a mission involving one of his own, no less. It was a very short ride.

Tim, knowing Ducky and Gibbs were on their way, made it easy for them, and took himself and his case folder down to Autopsy. Even though he hated it there, he knew it would make it easy for Ducky to help him in the M.E.'s domain. Stretching out on one of the cold autopsy tables, Tim closed his eyes and waited. And fell asleep, again.

Not finding him at his desk, sent a shiver of concern up Gibbs' spine when they reached the squad room. Determined to wait until they found him to see what was wrong, he and Ducky both were able to breathe a sigh of relief at not only finding him in Autopsy, but finding him once again, getting a bit of much needed sleep.

Ducky set about promptly taking his vital sign readings as Gibbs took a seat on the table next to the one Tim was on. Noting that it had been less than 30 minutes since he'd talked to Ducky, Gibbs knew Tim had at least 15 minutes of peaceful sleep coming before he'd become encumbered by his problems.

Taking those 15 minutes, Gibbs drew Ducky aside.

"Duck, this is what I wanted to talk to you about over lunch. Has he talked to you, about anything that's been bothering him in the last two weeks?"

"No, Jethro. Timothy does not discuss his private issues with me." Ducky reminded him.

"He hasn't talked to you about Kate or Erin or even Pacci?" Gibbs asked with purpose.

"No, Jethro, he hasn't, although you can't help but see the sorrow he still feels in his eyes."

"Yeah, I know. This Korean case, with the baby in the family, has really done a number on him, too. There's something about this case that has seriously knocked him off his feet, Duck."

"And you thought he might have confided in me, Jethro? Were you going to ask me to reveal what he'd said to me?"

"Come-on, Duck, you know me better than that. I was going to tell you that he was at my house at two this morning. Came in quiet as a mouse, scared the hell out of me when I turned around and found him sitting on my steps in the basement."

"Well, what did he tell you, Jethro?" Ducky asked, now the impatient one.

"That's just it, Duck! He didn't tell me anything. He just sat there, lost in whatever this is that's eating him up inside, so lost in it, he didn't even realize he was crying, hard. Totally forgot where he was. When I did bring him back, he couldn't get out of my basement fast enough." Gibbs explained in frustration.

"What did you do, Jethro?" Ducky asked in concern.

"I made him drink a cup of coffee; he wasn't in any shape to drive." Gibbs reasoned.

"No, I should say he most likely was not." Ducky exclaimed. "Did you get him to stay?"

"I dosed his coffee out of our stock, you and I keep available for the team, you know, for cases like this." Gibbs told him.

Ducky chuckled.

Before anything else could be said, Tim, once again grew restless and agitated in his sleep. This time, however, he seemed to be recoiling from physical trauma, and as both Gibbs and Ducky reached him to reach out to him, he sat up, and screamed

"LAURA!"

As both older men reached out to steady and comfort the distressed, sleeping young man, the autopsy doors whooshed open. Not sparing the intruder even so much as a glance, Gibbs and Ducky both concentrated their efforts on talking Tim out of his subconscious hell. Soothing words that had worked the night before, supportive hands squeezing his shoulders, grounding him with physical touch, once again doing the trick. As they laid him back down, not wanting to shock him awake, they heard

**"What the hell's wrong with Probie?"**

Tony, having come looking for Gibbs because he couldn't find Probie, and ultimately wound up being worried about all three of them, was now seriously worried about his Probie.

Tim, startled awake by Tony's loud question, instantly began to panic. Within short order, however, Gibbs and Ducky had him realizing he was fine, and helped him get his breathing under control. As he shakily sat up and swung his feet off the table, Tim felt the heat of embossment flood his face. Not looking at any of the others in the room, he slid down off the table, picked up the file on the next table, and spoke to Ducky and Gibbs as he handed the file to Gibbs.

"I'm sorry to drag you here after me on your weekend of. Maybe if you read this, you'll understand. I'll be at my desk." and walked out of autopsy, completely ignoring Tony, too shaken, half-asleep, and humiliated to care.


	5. The Little Boy That Once Was

_He slid down off the table; picked up the file on the next table; and spoke to Ducky and Gibbs as he handed the file to Gibbs. _

_"I'm sorry to drag you here after me on your weekend of. Maybe if you read this; you'll understand. I'll be at my desk." and walked out of autopsy; completely ignoring Tony; too shaken; half-asleep; and humilated to care._

* * *

Gibbs grasped the file as Tim handed it to him; not taking his eyes of the young man; even as he left autopsy.

"Tony! Stay with him. Just to watch out for him!" Gibbs quietly ordered. "Ducky and I'll be right up."

"On it, Boss." Tony was slightly less put out by Tim ignoring him; than he was worried about the kid. Since Gibbs and Ducky already had a handle on the situation; it gave Tony a sense of relief. As he left Autopsy; he looked back; to find Gibbs and Ducky pouring over the file Probie had handed Gibbs; as it lay open on the table in front of them. Neither one liked what they were reading; that much was written all over their faces.

* * *

Gibbs set the file down on the table and opened it. What they found inside made their blood boil. Taking a few minutes to read over the first page; they both struggled to keep their emotions in check. Gibbs lost the fight.

"Damn it! No damn wonder this case knocked this kid off his feet!" Gibbs exclaimed in anger for what his agent had lived through.

"Jethro, has he never spoken of this?" Ducky asked; somewhat calmer; as usual; trying to be the voice of reason.

"No, Duck; it's not in his records either."

"Well, this;" Ducky pointed to the next page in the file; would have sealed his previous records." Ducky reminded him.

"I sure wish I could get my hands on his parents!" Gibbs fumed.

"Jethro; according to this follow-up report; His father died in prison and his mother disappeared." Ducky exclaimed as he read the page underneath the Police Report. "Oh, dear heavens!" Ducky cried a moment later as he read yet another piece of paper in the file.

"What is it, Duck?" Gibbs asked in concern.

Ducky silently held up the page he'd just read.

As Gibbs read the paper; he felt tears come to his eyes. Stoically; he fought them back and brought himself under control. Putting the file back together; he picked it up and turned toward the door.

"Come-on, Duck, he needs to get some sleep." Jethro ended the conversation; he was getting too angry to think straight. They had come here to get Tim; to help him; not tear him down with their reactions to what he'd gone through the trouble of digging up on his past. _Wait! Oh, no; he researched his own horror story; he must be in hell; right about now!_

Hitting the stairs at a run; Gibbs flew back to the squad room; not bothering to wait for the M.E. He was pleasantly relieved, when he got there; to find Tony and Tim quietly talking about a game as they played it on Tony's computer screen. Gibbs left them alone and left to get coffee; taking his phone out as he walked.

"Jethro?"

"Duck, Tony's got it under control at the moment. I'm goin out for coffee. Check on em for me in a few, will ya?" Gibbs asked.

"Certain, Jethro, I'll be up there shortly."

"Thanks, Duck."

* * *

When Tony had reached the squad room; it had been to find Tim standing at the window; looking out at the water. His shoulders were slumped and the weight of the world was obviously sitting firmly on them. Knowing Probie would not want to talk about whatever this was about; Tony did the next best thing. He got started on something he knew the kid would talk about; computer games.

Sure enough; as Tony played his game; making sure to turn the volume waaaay up; he got Tim's attention and a smile. Tony smiled back at him and gestured for him to join him. And so, the two of them sat happily entrenched in the game while Gibbs silently arrived; and left them alone; and while Ducky silently arrived; and left them alone; but didn't leave the squad room.

When Gibbs came back; the boys were still playing the game. Silently, Gibbs smiled and motioned for Ducky to join him; and the two of them walked to the stairs and took themselves up one set; to where they could overlook the boys but not interfere with their relaxation, bonding and fun. It was such a rare sight; neither Senior team member was willing to disturb it.

Twenty minutes later; Tim was beginning to show serious signs of exhaustion and Tony tactfully pled defeat. Gibbs took the hint and immedately came down the stairs and heralded them all out; it was; after all; Saturday afternoon; and he for one; was ready for a nap; he told them.

Once they had all traipsed back to Ducky's Tim was heralded off to one of Ducky's guest rooms for some much needed sleep; bolstered by a strong sedative from Ducky. Tony was heralded off to Ducky's laptop and given two names and birthdates and the assignment to trace those people from birth till death. Ducky and Gibbs retreated to Ducky's study to talk and relax.

An hour later Ducky and Gibbs returned to the kitchen; where Tony was sitting drinking his coffee; lost in thought.

"Tony?" Gibbs asked in concern. "You okay?"

"Yeah, Boss. I'm fine. It's Probie I'm worried about."

"Speaking of Timothy; I should have checked on him already, I'll go do that now," Ducky stated; as he headed to his guest room.

"Talk to me." Gibbs encouraged.

"Boss, based on what I found out; going on the puzzle pieces that are falling in to place here; he's been keeping a hellova lot of stuff to himself; and that's gotta be rough! How's he functioning?" Tony asked in both awe and concern.

"Tony, we're not sure exactly what's going on right now. Let's wait until Ducky or I have gotten him to open up to us, all right? He may not have been carrying this around; it may be that this Korean Sleeper Cell case unlocked something in his psyche. You know; things that were similar to his own experiences?"

"Wow, you're probably right, Boss.? Tony admitted.

"Like I said, Tony, we don't know yet." Gibbs reminded him. "You able to find anything out on them?"

"Yeah, it was easy." Tony handed him the printed out pages he'd pulled up. Gibbs read them over and added them to Tim's file. "That's good work, Tony."

Ducky came back in the kitchen and reported that Timothy was still sleeping peacefully. Unwilling to abandon his teammate, Tony offered to watch a movie with the two older men. Reluctantly, they agreed.

Two hours later found the three movie watchers laughing at the comedy they'd just watched, and Tim shuffling out from the guest bedroom; looking like he could use another six hours of sleep. But, he was determined to stay awake so he could sleep that night. After a good meal; Tim grew restless and decided to take a walk and Ducky accompanied him since he knew the neighborhood.

While they were gone; Gibbs cleaned up the kitchen and Tony stripped the guest room for Ducky; and remade the bed. When the walkers returned; the house had been put to rights and Gibbs was ready to take Tim home and try to talk to him. It was obvious he wasn't gonna do it with all of them around him at once.

Back at Gibbs' Tim felt the overwhelming need to talk things out; let it all out; but he didn't feel it was fair to dump it all on Gibbs. After all; having seen the man at his most vulnerable; with his heart on his sleeve; it was obvious he had his own demons and monsters to beat. Unwilling to dump it off on Gibbs; not feeling close enough to him; not even sure if Gibbs wanted to be his sounding board; Tim took to pacing the man's back yard instead. For what seemed like hours, he paced; in circles and straight lines; with thoughts racing and in flashes of calm; it was like being on a roller coaster without being able to sit down for the ride.

Gibbs had quietly came out to the back porch and sat; unhappily watching his agent trapped in his misery. Finally; after reluctantly giving him time to run out of energy; he broke into the young man's thoughts.

"Tim, if you need to talk; I'm here."

"I want to, Boss, but...I can't..." Tim managed to pull himself up short; directly in line with his boss.

"Can't what?"

"You have you own stuff to worry bout." the young man couldn't even look Gibbs in the eye, he was so embarressed.

"Doesn't matter." Gibbs promised.

Tim stared at him in shock.

"Tim; that's why my door is never locked. I'm here. You need to talk. You went through the trouble and the personal hell of digging up your own past; to hand it to me; you obviously need to purge it. I'm listening. Talk to me."

"You read all of it?"

"yes."

"What good am I now?"

"Come again?"

"If a case we are called on to investigate can do this to me; what good am I to the team?" Tim despaired.

"Seems to me you held it in pretty damn well until the case was over." Gibbs rewarded him.

"Doesn't mean I'll be able to do it again."

"There may never be a next time." Gibbs reminded him.

"What are the chances of that?" Tim asked dryly.

"Okay, let's put that one aside for now. What's giving you the most trouble?"

"I can't get it out of my head. It's a practical joke; a really bad computer wallpaper." Tim's tortured voice tore at Gibbs' heart; the sudden tears slipping down Tim's face ripped it open.

"What happened to Laura." Gibbs stated; completely understanding where Tim was at.

Tim silently nodded; tears now streaming down his face.

" What is it that you need?" Gibbs continued to keep his voice quiet. There was no need for anything else.

"I just can't.. I don't know, Boss. I just feel so lost....so " Tim had never had so many unfinished sentences in his life before now. He was grateful that Gibbs understood what Tim had trouble voicing; what he could not bring himself to say.

"Tim, I understand; I do. I know it feels like you're getting sucked back into the grief and the pain; it's fresh; like it happened yesterday." Gibbs sympatheticaly related; knowing it would be easier for him to express it for Tim than for the young man to try to express it himself.

"Yeah." Tim looked away; the tears flowing harder now.

Gibbs gave him all the time he needed; keeping silent company with the young man who didn't want to be alone; but hadn't asked for anything more than Gibbs' presence. Encouraging him to give himself time to grief; again. Apparently, a minute was all the time Tim was gonna allow himself. Silently he wiped the tears from his face and took a deep breath. As he expelled the deep breath; he looked at Gibbs and once again, offered up a weak smile of thanks. While Gibbs knew the thanks was there and genuine; he didn't miss the fact that the smile was a long way from reaching Tim's eyes.

Gibbs genuinely smiled back at his agent

Tim's eyes didn't have the full intensity of outright misery they had earlier; but they weren't any where close to happy or pain free. His calm and quiet demeanor didn't fool Gibbs for a minute; it did however; signify that Tim was done indulging in the emotions that were running wild in his brain. When he stood up and looked at Gibbs again, it was to quietly thank him for the help he had given thru the night and just now.

"I think I need to take another nap." Tim quietly admitted.

Gibbs silently nodded at him and pointed him in the direction of the couch; offering him the pillow and blanket from the night before.

As Tim settled on the couch and very quickly; indeed; fell asleep; Gibbs looked at him thoughtfully for a minute and headed to the kitchen to make fresh coffee.

Once he had his coffee; he picked up the file and and headed back to the living room to keep somewhat of an eye on Tim while he slept. Opening the file once again; Gibbs re-read what was in it.

* * *

**Conneticut Police Report**

_January 24, 1983_

_Police were called to the home at XXXXX Maple Street; Hartford, Conn. Several calls had been made to 911 reporting children screaming like they were being beaten._

_Upon arrival, Officers found two unconscious children; one six year old boy and one four month old infant girl. Both children were immediately removed from the home and taken to the Emergency Room for treatment. Upon arrival, both children were placed in Emergency Foster Care Services._

_Suspect, Earl Harris; states he and his wife June were arguing and their son, Stephen got in the way; getting accidentally knocked in the face by Earl's hands as they were animatedly moving while the boy's parents were arguing. Earl also stated that the baby was accidentally knocked from her mother's arms the same way._

_Second Suspect, June Harris stated Earl deliberately knocked six year old Stephen across the head when he tried to stop his parents from fighting. Six year old Stephen then took his baby sister to his bedroom but came back out shortly thereafter to try again to stop his parents fighting. June states that Earl again, knocked Stephen down and went and brought the baby back to the living room. June further stated that she managed to take the baby from Earl; but Earl tried to take the baby back from her and the baby accidentally fell to the floor. Numerous bruises on June's face, arms and neck were substantiated by June's testimony that Earl was hitting her as well as punching his fists through the walls of the home._

_Upon further questioning; Earl Harris substantiated June Harris' statement. Earl Harris was subsequently arrested on two counts of child abuse and child endangerment and one count of spousal abuse. Earl Harris was taken to the county jail._

_June Harris was arrested on two counts of child endangerment.. She was taken to the hospital for treatment and then transported to the county jail._

_

* * *

_

_FOLLOW - UP Notes from DCS_

_Laura June Harris; age 4 months; died from blunt force truama; due to child abuse and endangerment in her home.  
Date of death - Jan 25. 1983  
Her six year old brother Stephen Earl Harris was notified of her death.  
Mother, June Marie Harris was give a six month sentence in the York Correctional Institution for 2 counts of child endangerment. Upon release from prison; June Marie Harris promptly disappeared.  
Father, Earl Patrick Harris, was sentenced to 10 years in Cheshire Correctional Institute. He was killed in a prison riot 1/24/1984._

_Stephen Earl Harris was signed over to Conneticut Department of Childrens Services and Placed in Foster Care.  
After four unsuccessful Foster Care placements; this child was deemed difficult and withdrawn. Unadoptable._

_

* * *

_

Gibbs had to stop reading. His eyes filled with tears as they strayed to the agent asleep on his couch; the one whose early childhood was so horribly spelled out in these written pages in front of him_._ _Unadoptable? How cruel can people be to a suffering child who just watched his whole world be destroyed? The poor kid had literally tried to stop it with his own two little hands and his own tiny voice, for God's Sake!"_

Pushing himself to finish reading the horrors of Tim's childhood; Gibbs forced himself to take up reading where he'd left off.

* * *

_Stephen Earl Harris was placed in a fifith Foster Care Home; successfully.  
__Foster Parents, Peter and Nancy McGee petitiioned the state for the right to adopt Stephen Earl Harris after only three months with him._

Last visit with the family showed a still withdrawn child; but whom the parents spoke very highly of. They stated once his trust has been earned, Timothy's openness and loyalty is unbridled for that person. He is a joy to have around and is very conscientious, eager to please; but extremely sensitive and accepts blame for things in extremes.

Mr. and Mrs. McGee were granted adoption of Stephen Harris; and immediately petitioned the court to change his name.  
Stephen Earl Harris legally changed his name to Timothy Neil McGee on 1/24/1986.


	6. Quietly Breaking Through

_A/N: Another short chapter - deliberately so. Thank you for all the wonderful reviews! _

_

* * *

_

_"You little brat! why the hell don't you just stay out of the way?  
*smack*  
You think you can just stick your nose in and get your way?  
*smack*  
Laura screams that of a frightened baby, bringing him back to his feet quickly; needing to protect the baby above all else.  
He reaches out for her, only to be shoved away "Leave her alone! She doesn't need you!"  
__*smack*_

Crying out in pain, Tim hauled himself upright; tears streaming down his face; as Gibbs sat by his side, where he'd put himself just a moment ago when Tim had started restlessly thrashing in his sleep.

Slowly awakening from the painful dream that was; Tim realized Gibbs was with him which sent waves of both humilation and gratitude through him at the same time.

"Hey." Gibbs quietly said, "It's okay. I'm here if you wanna talk about it."

Looking at his boss with a mixture of appreciation and worry; Tim could only nod his head to let him know he heard the offer. Suddenly, overwhelmed with the feeling of frustration and resignation; among other things; tears filled his eyes; and despite his best efforts to blink them away and hold them back; they slid down his face in a tiny river.

Gibbs quietly got up; squeezed Tim's shoulder in a silent show of support and left his agent to his tears; knowing the young man didn't want to cry in front of him. As he headed to the kitchen to make a pot of fresh coffee; Gibbs could only hope that Tim would let him in; let someone in; so they could help him through this minefield he seemed to be stuck in. Hearing footsteps, Gibbs turned to see Tim wandering into the kitchen, obviously in need of something.

"Tim?"

"I need to resign."

Gibbs felt like he'd been sucker punched. After a minute of shocked silence, spent gathering his scattered brain cells back together; Gibbs gestured for Tim to join him at the table. Setting two cups of coffee down between them; Gibbs took the opposite seat and quietly opened the conversational floor, "I'm listening." much more calmly than he felt.

"I can't work like this. I can barely sleep. I can't get this outta my head. It won't leave me alone." Tim's voice was climbing with evey word he spoke.

"Okay, hey, it's okay. Stop for a second." Gibbs quietly urged.

"I'm sorry." the young man whispered.

"No. Don't apologise. You know you have no reason to be sorry. None of this is your fault."

"Yes, it is!" Tim whispered.

"Why don't you explain it to me? What part of this is your fault?" Gibbs asked carefully; grateful for the perfect opening to the inner workings of what was really plaguing the young man.

"She was my sister, Boss! It was my job to protect her." Tim's voice had risen just a hair.

"Yeah, I can see how you would see it that way." Gibbs cautiously kept clearing the path for the conversation to continue.

"Didn't exactly do a good job of it, did I?" the self appointed blame was clearly shining through the pained question.

Gibbs deflected the misplaced anger and sarcasm; quiet as it was; with little thought as he answered the real question underneath the words; wanting to address the pain he heard. "Tim, you need to listen to me. You hearin me?"

"Yes." came the quiet answer; although the eyes weren't on him; so Gibbs wasn't satisfied.

"Tim, look at me. See the truth of what I'm saying." while he waited for his agent to look at him; the older man prayed for the right words to be there when he opened his mouth. Seeing those unsparkling green eyes bore into his own; Gibbs gave back with a look of sympathy and understanding.

"You are not gonna be able to get through this if you don't stop and realize something, first."

As Tim continued to hold his eyes; Gibbs told him very calmly. "You were six years old. It was NOT your job to protect your sister. That was your parents' job. It was their job to protect you, too."

"But..." Tim tried to explain softly.

"No buts here, Tim. It is NOT the job of a six year old little boy, to protect a four month old baby." Gibbs tried to stress with him. Seeing his words bring tears back to the young man's eyes; brought pain to his own heart for him. Still, he pressed on; for Tim's own good. "Think about this. If we had a case, right now; where this exact situation had happened, and you were sitting here with the six year old brother, instead of me; what would you be saying to that little boy?"

Tim's eyes fell to his coffee cup. His tears fell like rain and his shoulders started to shake. As he saw the floodgates open and the control slip; Gibbs got to his feet and went to Tim's side; pulling him up to his feet. Gently, he pulled him into his arms to anchor him; silently letting him know it was okay to let go; get it out; all of it.


	7. Calming The Storms Within

Tim sat in Gibbs' living room, attempting to watch a movie along side Tony. It had been only thirty minutes since Tony had come in to check on his little brother, to find him brokenly sobbing in Gibbs' arms. Gibbs had seen Tony come in and silently told him to leave Tim's breakdown to the boss,. So, Tony had done what he could to be prepared to take over once Gibbs could get Probie calmed down. Tony had most of the pieces put together of what was going on but he needed to have the wrinkles ironed out before it made complete sense. He could only hope that he'd get some light shed on this soon. It was hard to feel like you were helping when you were not fully up to speed on the situation.

Focusing on the task at hand, Tony had dug out some movies from the glove box of his car and brought them back in, set them up and patiently waited for his turn at helping Tim through this; it was tearing him apart, that much was obvious. So it was up to Tony to get Probie's mind off his problems, at least long enough to help him relax so he could sleep tonight. Hopefully, it would help more than that.

Somehow, Gibbs had gotten Tim to let go of all of his tears, at least for the time being. As he'd steadfastly hung onto his agent, the young man had found the inner strength to pull his emotions back from the brink, and put them all away, slowly but surely. Gibbbs had sensed the struggle within Tim, the deep breaths, the tense shoulders, muscles that locked, fighting the desire to turn to jello. While Gibbs feared Tim's attempt to hide any of what he was feeling, he certainly understood it. He'd made a career out of hiding his own pain, hadn't he?

Tim had slowly pulled away from Gibbs and smiled weakly at him in the best attempt he had to offer for a "Thank You" and stepped over to the sink, turning it on to wash his face. As he'd turned back around, leaning back against the sink, he'd looked Gibbs straight in the eye and reminded him of what he'd come into the kitchen to tell him before he'd broken down.

"This doesn't change anything. I still believe I need to resign, Boss." the young man's voice was painfully quiet.

"We'll table this for tonight, all right? Why don't you just go try and relax with Tony? He's in the living room waiting to watch some movies with you." Gibbs had quietly encouraged.

"How long's he been here?" Tim was horrified.

"Tim, listen to me. He's concerned. He wants to help. Give him a chance. Okay?" Gibbs requested calmly. "You don't have to talk about anything you don't want to."

"Okay. You're not leavin' are you?" Tim asked in a mild panic.

"Nope. I'll be right here. You need anything, you just holler." Gibbs had promised.

"Okay." Tim had turned to head out to the living room. In the doorway, he'd stopped and turned back. "Boss?"

"Tim?" Gibbs had asked in concern.

"Thank you." Even though Tim McGee was known to have the manners born of a gentleman, those two spoken words at that moment in time, came with more feeling than any other appreciation he'd ever given before in his life. Somehow, Gibbs knew that. Having helped this young man through the hell of the last couple of days; having seen what it was doing to him; Gibbs was well aware of just how much feeling was in those words. Gibbs smiled in encouragement as he'd answered.

"You're welcome. I'm just glad I could help."

Tim's smile had been weak, hadn't reached his eyes, but he'd tried and that had mean a lot too.

Now, a mere 30 minutes later and Gibbs could swear he had actually heard laughter coming from his living room a few moments ago. As he got up to check on the guys, a knock sounded on his door. Going to see who it was, he was not surprised to find Ducky there.

"Hey, Duck, c'mon in." Gibbs led him into the kitchen.

"How is Timothy, Jethro?"

"Well, Duck, if you'd a been here a half hour ago, believe it or not, the answer would have been completely different. Right now, he seems to be fine. He and Tony have been watching a movie for the last 30 minutes." Gibbs answered as he fixed Ducky a cup of tea.

"And before that?" Ducky asked, his curiousity winning out over discretion.

"Before that he'd finally broken down. It took some convincing and another bad dream to get him to where he was ready to let it out. But, we got there." Gibbs told him quietly.

"Jethro, how did you convince him?" Ducky wanted to know.

As Gibbs described what had taken place and how he'd gotten Tim to open up, Ducky's sympathy for Timothy climbed several notches.

"Jethro, I want to go check on him, myself." the M.E. stated as he got up and headed to the living room.

"Yeah, actually, Duck, I was headed that way when you got here." Gibbs answered as he accompanied him to the door of the living room. When they got to the room where the younger men were watching a movie and relaxing, it was with a huge relief that they discovered that Tim had once again, fallen asleep, only this time, Tony was the one sitting in the chair, keeping an ear out for the Probie's bad dreams.

"Thanks, Tony." Gibbs offered his Senior Field Agent.

Tony waved Gibbs' thanks away. He hadn't done anything but sit and watch a movie. Probie had taken himself down for the count. Poor kid hadn't so much as stirred a single muscle since he'd passed out, either. Maybe breaking down like he had, had been just what he'd needed to chase away his monsters. No sooner did that thought pass through Tony's head, even with Gibbs and Ducky standing there, than Tim's sleep became restless. Gibbs quickly moved to step up and soothe away his agent's bad dreams. All it took was a calm hand on his shoulder and a few whispered words of comfort and Tim settled down, back into restful sleep.

Tony marveled at Gibbs' ability to do that. He also hoped he could do it for Probie. Gibbs needed sleep and Tony needed Probie to know that he was here for him, too. Since his breakdown earlier in the evening, the time between his sleep disturbances had gotten longer than what they'd been before his late afternoon nap. Where as before, Tim had only been getting an hour of sleep beofre he'd be restlessly stirring and reliving his nightmares; now he was getting almost two hours in between occurrances. But, as far as Ducky and Gibbs was concerned, they were still too frequent. Having timed it in between occurrances, Ducky had left a sleep aid for the young man and had taken himself off home for a good night's sleep of his own.

It was entirely probable that these nightmares would fade in time, but Gibbs wasn't willing to have Tim continue to live like this. Something needed to be done. Maybe they needed to sit and talk about what was going on, at least one more time. Or, maybe Tim needed to talk to a shrink who was trained in this stuff. Then again, Gibbs had some measure of experience to draw on when talking to the young man; even if their experiences were different in details.

While Tim had been a near-helpless six year old boy when his family had been ripped from him, Gibbs had been half the world away in the Marines when his family had been ripped away from him. So, both had experienced the loss of family, and could probably relate to each other better than they even realized. It certainly was making it a lot easier for Gibbs to relate to what his agent was going through. Indirectly, it had helped put Gibbs' own childhood memories into perspective. Sure, his parents had fought and the holes in the walls had been an unhappy fixture in his teenage years. But, in the face of what his agent was reliving and feeling the fresh pain of long forgotten memories come to life; his own paled in comparision and actually didn't even hurt any more.

So, without even trying, Tim McGee had helped Gibbs through a rough patch and had even shown him some perspective on things he'd carried with him all this time. For that Gibbs was thankful. He just hoped he could return the favor.


	8. Trying to Cast it All Away

He took a deep breath of the air and listened to the soothing sound of the waves as he looked out at the horizon. The sun warmed his back and calmed his nerves. Gulls cried overhead and he saw them soar and dive in their majestic dances.

He sighed heavily, trying once again to let go of all the emotions the memories and dreams were keeping his head full of. Desperately he tried to replace them with calm. Only here, at the ocean, could he find the peace and tranquility to do that. This was so hard with his adopted parents not knowing what had happened to him as a small child. They'd never talked about it. His records had been sealed. And now, they were half-way round the world for the next six months, traveling. They'd saved up their entire lives for this trip, so it didn't matter what he was going through, unless he was dying, he wasn't gonna disturb their trip. They'd even taken his adopted sister with them. So, he felt truly alone, except for the team, anyway. It made this so much harder to get through.

He'd tried on Saturday to come here and relax; let it all go, with no success. For some reason, this morning, he felt it would be different. Today, he'd be able to let it all go, leave it here. Today, he'd be able to move on with his life. He came back to the here and now when he felt another person's presence beside him. He smelled the sawdust mixed whith coffee before he opened his eyes. Without looking he knew that his boss was sitting next to him. Tim opened his eyes and looked at the man who'd kept him from completely losing it since this whole mess had started. Somehow, this ordeal and Gibbs' help getting through it had taken his akwardness around the man and replaced it with a stronger sense of sure footedness for him. He no longer felt like he had to prove himself as a person. Still he had left the man's house with nothing more than a note left behind telling him where he was going, so the guy was probably pissed at him. He' deserved it if he was, so an apology was definately in order,

"Boss, I'm sorry." Tim offered, not able to breathe comfortably until he'd at least done that much.

"Nothing to be sorry about, McGee." Gibbs replied. "You okay?"

"Yeah. I think I can let it go now. Or at least keep it in perspective." Tim tried to convince his boss.

"You trying to convince me or yourself? Cause you're still carrying it with you in your sleep, I don't have to tell you that." Gibbs told him quietly. "Kinda impossible to leave it behind when you haven't been able to get through one night without it haunting you, don't you think?"

"Yeah. But, I don't exactly know what to do about it, Boss." Tim said miserably.

"Tell me what happens in your dreams. Walk me through it." Gibbs quietly suggested.

Tim looked away from Gibbs and looked out over the water as he took a deep breath and let it out slowly. With a shudder, he put his head down on his arms, which had been resting on his knees.

"Talk to me." Gibbs encouraged with a supportive hand to his shoulder.

Tim nodded to let him know he'd heard him. Taking a minute to gather his inner strength, Tim raised his head back up and looked back out over the water as he tried to explain the monsters that haunted his sleep now.

"I'm always back in my parents' living room. Every time, it's the same scenerio over and over again. Every night in my sleep, i'm hearing my little sister scream as she falls to her death from my mother's arms." Tim said, his voice breaking in renewed pain and sorrow. "While I'm laying on the floor only three feet away from her. And I can't get to her before she falls because I'm already blacking out from my father's ..." Tim couldn't finish. He jumped up and strode to the edge of the water, his stirdes full of unbridled anger and never-ending guilt.

Gibbs knew that it didn't matter how many people told this young man he wasn't responsible for what happened to his sister, he had to believe it for himself. And as long as it was haunting him in his sleep, he would never be convinced of his own innocence. At this moment, Tim was obviously trying to outrun what was in his head and even though he wouldn't succeed; he had to face that reality for himself as well. so Gibbs left him alone, watching with sadness in his heart, as the poor guy paced himself into exhaustion. Maybe it was helping. Gibbs could only hope so.

When Gibbs had woken up a little over an hour ago, it had been to find Tim gone from his house, fresh coffee made, and a note on his kitchen table.

_Boss:_

_I had to get some air. Have to think._

_took a cab to the beach._

_Thank you for being there for me, for listening, for letting me lose it,_

_I'll be okay now. _

_McGee._

There had been no mention of Tim coming back to Gibbs' house, but then again, Tim's car was at work, so he'd have to get there before he could get his car and drive all the way back to his apartment. He'd downed his 1st cup of coffee quickly, fixed another for the road and gotten in his car less than twenty minutes after he'd read Tim's note. It hadn't taken long before he'd tracked the young man, after all they both liked the same beach. He'd started wth that destination and had hit pay dirt. Seeing Tim sitting there had sent a flash of relief through Gibbs. Tim may think he'd be okay now, but Gibbs was more realistic than that. He knew better and he wasn't gonna let the young man flounder through this alone. Now, watching Tim, still stuck in his misery, Gibbs couldn't think what to do for him.

He thought back to the report Tony had dug up on June Harris. Her criminal history hadn't mentioned the death of her daughter, due to her mental health at the time of her relase from jail. She'd been placed in a psych ward and all traces of her had vanished after that. Tony hadn't been able to locate anything on her since her admission to that psych ward in New York. Gibbs wished he could get his hands on the woman just long enough to make her fix what her choices had done to her son's life. As he silently prayed that somehow Tim would find his way through this, Gibbs' cell phone rang.

"Yeah. Gibbs." he answered in his normal fashion. As he listened to the caller, his heart stopped and his anger surged to the forefront of his mind. Forcing himself to remain calm for Tim's sake, he ended the call quickly; needing to reign Tim in and get to the office.

"Got it, yeah. be there in 30." had been his answer to the caller before he'd hung up. Now, he looked at his agent curently standing stock still, as if the effort to move was now too great to handle. Walking over to him, he touched him on the shoulder. "C-mon, we're needed at work." Gibbs told him.

"Boss? I"m not..." Tim objected distantly.

"Relax. Just take this one step at a time. We'll deal with it when we get there." Gibbs tried to reassure him.

"But..."

"McGee, it's not a case. It's a visitor." Gibbs patiently explained, refusing to let Tim experience his anger. It wasn't his agent he was angry with. Together they walked to Gibbs' car and got in. As Gibbs drove Tim continued to try to fit the pieces together.

"A visitor? For who? You?" Tim asked, baffled.

"No. For you." Gibbs told him, unwilling to lie to him.

"Me? Who would be visiting me?" Tim asked in confusion.

"Your mother."


	9. Stay In the Fight!

_"McGee__, it's not a case. It's a visitor."  
"A visitor? For who? You?"  
"No. For you."  
"Me? Who would be visiting me?"  
"Your mother."_

* * *

The ride to NCIS started out as a silent one. Gibbs' mind was still trying to sort through the message he'd been given over the phone:

_"Agent Gibbs, this is Agent Wylie. There's a woman here who is extremely upset and agitated. Says she must speak to you immediately. Claims she's Agent McGee's mother. Keeps saying he's in danger and only you can protect him."_

Looking over at his agent, he was concerned to find the young man lost in his thoughts. Until this was all straightened out and he was no longer being plagued by the nightmares from his childhood, wherever Tim's mind had gone to couldn't be guaranteed to be a good place. _What did Mrs. McGee know about Tim's childhood? Maybe that was something he needed to know before he attempted to talk about Tim's childhood again. It probably wouldn't hurt to find out. He needed to bite the bullet and ask, even if it returns the subject there for a minute._

"Tim, your adopted parents know anything about what happened to you and Laura before you got to them?" Gibbs asked carefully.

"No. At least not that I'm aware of." Tim answered straight away, his tone subdued and his eyes not looking at Gibbs.

"How bout you? Did you have all this in your memory and this case just opened it up for you?" Gibbs gently pushed.

"I'm not sure. Has to be a mix of both, from the way it all keeps coming back to me so clearly in my sleep." Tim said miserably.

"Now that you've had some clear images, can you tell me what your earliest actual memory is?" Gibbs asked, needing to help him sort it out.

Tim drew in a ragged breath and slowly let it out, as he let Gibbs in on the most painful night of his childhood:

_Another picture to have to move! **Damn it! Stop! Why do you have to do this? Why can't you just love each other?** His anguished questions; screamed out as they are; instantly drowned out by the screaming match in progress in front of him. Soon; as usual; he was scooping up the baby; quickly carrying her away from this nightmare. Tucking her safely away in his bedroom; he fixes her bottle; changes her; and croons her back to sleep in safety. Such was the routine now; not weekly; but daily. With no concern for each other or for either the child watching in horror as his life was being shredded right in front of his eyes; or for the helpless baby that needed rescuing every night. _

_Suddenly; he was jarred from his despair. That noise; once again; heard loud and clear; as yet another hole was punched in the wall! This time; his mind seemed to snap and he ran out of the bedroom and began to scream. Suddenly, his screams stopped in mid -motion as he felt himself struck hard across the face. Falling to the floor; he writhed and rolled in both physical and emotional agony. Vaguely; he's aware that the baby is being taken away; the fighting is escalating as the baby is now being held in the midst of the fight; something he always tried to prevent. Needing to do his job; he tries to pick himself up off the floor; only to be knocked down again; and just when he thinks the worst is over; he hears a thump; and the baby screams in holy terror Blackness swallows him whole._

* * *

"Oh. Tim." Gibbs offered, the only thing he could say as he'd struggled to drive while his agent had put his agony into words. "I'm so sorry."

"Not your fault." Tim gave back quietly as he turned and looked out the window, wiping his tears away.

"I'm sorry I asked you to relive it like this, but if I'm gonna be able to help you, I had to know where to start." Gibbs regretfully tried to explain.

"Thanks. Boss. Really. But, I don't think anyone can help me. It's like you said, if I can't get it out of my dreams, what chance do I have? That's why I'm asking you to let me resign." Tim said painfully.

"Tim, I won't let you give up on yourself like this. You fought hard to get here, didn't you?"

"Yeah. You could say that." Tim said with a touch of sarcasm.

"Tell me about it." Gibbs inquired, grateful for the chance to turn the subject.

"What's to tell? I was your basic, foster care kid, nerd, geek, recipient of the school bullies attention and pranks, early graduate of high school and college who liked to write and play with computers." Tim summed himself up in a very unimportant tone. He was used to not counting as a person and that didn't sit well with Gibbs, but, he'd address that later.

"Yet, you did it. Two degrees, all the obstacles from your childhood and your teenage years, you put up with the "Probie" initiation from Tony, and you're finding your feet. You've become an asset to this team and you've got a lot more potential where that came from. You really gonna give up all that you've accomplished because you've had your feet knocked out from under you one more time?" Gibbs was goading him now, wanting him to see that the fight was worth staying in it.

"I don't want to, Boss. I don't." Tim vowed.

"Then don't! Don't let this take away anything else from you!" Gibbs said as they pulled up to the Navy Yard.

"If only it were that simple." Tim said miserably, after they'd cleared the gates.

"Not simple, Tim, just possible. You hang in there, let me handle what ever comes down the pike from the job, if I have to put you on desk duty for a while, we'll do it. But, there's no reason for you to just quit. I would have never asked for you to be assigned to my team if I'd a thought you were a quitter." Gibbs told him.

"That's not fair, Boss." Tim said with pain in his tone and a catch in his voice. "It's not like I asked for this."

"No, Tim you didn't. But, you did ask for help and I'm trying to give it to you. Ducky's trying to give it to you. Tony's trying to give it to you and Abby and Ziva would too, if you let them. You're not alone in this. Your team wants to help you and that should help you want to stay in the fight and come out on top." Gibbs reminded him as he pulled into the parking spot and shut the car off.

Turning to look at his agent, to gauge where this conversation had brought him, he hoped he hadn't set the young man back into not opening up to him anymore.

"We good?" Gibbs asked patiently.

"Yeah, Boss. We're good. If you're not pissed at me, that is." Tim admitted.

"I've got no reason to be pissed at you, so long as you stay in the fight. And let us help you win it." Gibbs promised.

After a tense silent minute, Tim finally looked over at Gibbs for the first time since this conversation had started. Seeing his boss waiting for his confirmation, noting the expectation and challenge in his eyes, Tim couldn't help but smile back at him in affirmation, even if it didn't reach his eyes.

It was a start.


	10. My Mother

_"Agent Gibbs, this is Agent Wylie. There's a woman here who is extremely upset and agitated. Says she must speak to you immediately. Claims she's Agent McGee's mother. Keeps saying he's in danger and only you can protect him. _

_*******************  
"McGee, it's not a case. It's a visitor."  
"A visitor? For who? You?"  
"No. For you."  
"Me? Who would be visiting me?"  
"Your mother." __

* * *

_

Gibbs had been sidetracked from thinking through the possibilities that came with that phone call. He'd gotten on the one-track mindedness of digging down to the root of his agent's current nightmares. Tim's constant battle to keep his head on straight ever since this Korean Sleeper Cell case had basically unhinged him; taken over the young man's life.

Tony's investigation into June Harris' disappearance off the grid once she'd been released from prison was sketchy. Gibbs hadn't had time to focus on it. He hadn't even had time to get Tony to dig deeper; to try to fill in the gaps. They didn't even have an updated photo to work with. The last one they had to go by had been taken at the time of Tim's placement into the Foster Care System.

But, somewhere, someone had falsified some records. How does a police report state that someone is admitted to a psych ward straight out of prison, and a follow-up Foster Care Report state that, that same person simply disappeared after prison; with no mention of any psych ward admission? Gibbs was not happy with the holes in this scenario, but, unless it somehow came to affect his agent, he'd leave it alone; for now.

Gibbs had more important issues to worry about, like his agent getting to a place where he could put his childhood horrors away for good. And this phone call, stating that McGee's mother was here, at NCIS, to talk to him, without Tim's knowledge. Well, that wasn't gonna happen, the kid had been through enough, No one was gonna lie to him on top of it. So, Gibbs had given him the news in the car, leaving him time to come to grips with the fact that his mother was here. He hadn't given him any other details.

Now, as they walked in silence, into the building, Tim stopped dead in his tracks, causing Gibbs to stop and look back at him.

"McGee!"

"Boss, my mother's supposed to be half-way round the world on a cruise ship! What is she doing here?" the panic in his voice was disheartening. _Of course, he'd think the worst! Damn it!_ Gibbs knew he had to stop this train wreck before it happened.

"Relax, McGee, if it was something to do with your father, she would have said something to you by now." Gibbs tried to reason with him. The doubt and uncertainty was there. Gibbs suddenly felt the need for Ducky to be in on this, with everything this kid had been through since this case broke open; Ducky's help had been invaluable. Taking out his cell phone, he called the M.E. and asked him to find Tony and for both of them to meet them in the squad room ASAP.

Gibbs knew he'd have to insist that McGee be allowed to hear whatever his mother had to say, but it was the right thing to do. _Wait a minute; he'd forgotten to ask Tim a crucial question._ Something was nagging at his gut; telling him that the reason for his agent's mother's visit had to do with the young man's childhood horrors. So, this question needed to be answered no matter how out of the blue it seemed. Now, it was the boss man's turn to stop in his tracks.

Luckily, by now, they were in the elevator. Flipping the switch in his normal style, Gibbs waited until the thing had settled before he turned to his agent. "I don't want you blindsided with anything here, so I need to ask you a question and then I'll fill you in on what I know. You said you don't think the McGee's know about your childhood. If that's true and they don't already know; do you want them to be informed?"

Looking anywhere but at his boss for a full silent minute, Tim thought about it. There had to be the possibility that it would be necessary or Gibbs wouldn't even be asking; he'd keep it to himself, out of respect for Tim. Tim knew this. Taking a deep breath, straightening his spine and bringing his eyes up off the floor, and up into the direct gaze of his boss, Tim answered the question.

"I trust your judgment on it, Boss. If the time comes that you think they need to be told, and they hear it from you; I'm okay with it." Tim stated; clearly handing his trust over to Gibbs on a silver platter. "Just, please don't do it with me there."

Gibbs took a minute to try to silently calm his nervous agent with a steadying gaze of support, while also trying to absorb the gesture of faith he'd just been given. He didn't blame Tim for not wanting to be there when his mother was told about what her little boy had lived through before he'd been given over to her to nurture and protect. Gibbs wouldn't have wanted to be there if he'd been in those shoes either. He was grateful he'd made a copy of Tim's file and locked it up here at work so he could get to it if he needed it. There would be less need for a full-blown discussion about it, if it did come down to it.

"I won't let you down, Tim." was the best promise mixed with appreciation for his trust that Gibbs could manage. His mind was too cluttered with questions wrapped in concern and covered with pride in his agent.

After a reverent moment of silence, Gibbs remembered that he'd promised to bring McGee up to speed on why they were here to see his mother. As Gibbs relayed the phone message, Tim's face lost a little bit of color, but he managed to rally back under control and stays strong. Gibbs flipped the elevator switch and they silently continued on their way to meet up with his mother. The higher the elevator got the more stiff with barely contained fear and nerves Tim became.

Stopping the elevator just before it settled onto the floor they needed and opened its' doors, Gibbs flipped the switch again.

"You need to relax." He told his agent. "C'mon, pull yourself together. I know you don't want her to see you like this." Gibbs directed with authority ringing in his voice.

With a tiny smile of apology, Tim beat his fears back and got them back under control. When Gibbs was sure that he'd be okay to handle whatever was waiting for him on the other side of those doors, he turned the elevator back on and stepped back as his agent stepped off. Gibbs could still sense and feel the young man's fear; but at least he wasn't letting it run away from him now.

"Tim!" Mrs. McGee rushed to hug her son, not even noticing how worried he was. As he hugged her back, the hellish ride he'd been through in the last 72 hours suddenly crashed back onto him in a desperate need for his mother's reassurance and protection from the monsters in his childhood, no matter how late in the game she had come.

Stepping out around the two; Gibbs quickly retrieved the file and watched Tim's dealings with his mother at the same time. The parental lion in Gibbs recognized Tim's posture for what it was; the sudden unwillingness to let go of his mother's embrace, the voice he wouldn't use to speak of the horrors he was trying to get her to take away, the tears that were escaping from his tightly closed eyes. The little boy inside the man was grasping at protection now that hadn't been available to him when he'd needed it most, as a lost and broken six year old child.

Ducky appeared from the back elevator and stopped next to Gibbs. Seeing where the Senior Agent's attention had gone to, he too watched Timothy hug his mother; cling to her. The fight to keep himself from bursting into tears and crawling into her lap was painfully obvious. Gibbs looked meaningfully at Ducky before biting the bullet and doing what was best for his agent.

Gibbs' heart broke for Tim, but it was not going to do the young man any good to let him settle into this frame of mind. It needed to be set right. Firmly, Gibbs placed his hand on Tim's shoulder and squeezed; just enough to remind him of who it was doing it and where he was. As his mind registered the hand on his shoulder and where it came from; who it came from; Tim released his mother from her embrace.

Totally mortified and humiliated, Tim stepped back from his mother's hug and avoided Gibbs' eyes. As Mrs. McGee noticed her son's demeanor, and thought about the unusual clinging he'd just displayed; she turned and looked hurriedly at her son's boss. "Agent Gibbs? Is there something going on I should know about?"

Before he could answer her, Tony came into the squad room from the elevator. "Hey, Boss! Probie! Ducky! Oh, excuse me, Ma'am." Tony stopped in his tracks as he took in the scene in front of him. _This was bad. Probie looked like he just killed somebody's prize cat! Hadn't the poor kid been through enough already? What the heck was going on?_

Gibbs looked at Tim unwaveringly until Tim couldn't stand it anymore and raised his eyes up off the floor and looked his boss in the eye.

At that point, Gibbs stepped up to the young man and whispered in his ear. "You have nothing to be ashamed of, Tim. Don't you forget that. But, she can't take these monsters away for you. You have to purge them; but you're not in it alone. Your entire team is here to help. Don't forget that either."

When Tim flashed him a grateful smile in return, Gibbs smiled back as Ducky turned to Mrs. McGee. "Mrs. McGee, please, come with me and we'll find a comfortable place to talk." As Tim's mother silently accompanied Ducky toward the stairs, the boss looked at Tony and passed him his silent message as he too headed up the stairs to go talk to Tim's mother.

_Look after him._

* * *

As Tim threw himself down in his desk chair, he hung his head, too defeated to even care just how defeated he looked.

"Probie, you look pretty beat. Why don't you go ahead and catch a cat nap while boss man talks to your mom." Tony suggestion in concern.

"Thanks, Tony. I think I will." Tim answered quietly as he made his head comfortable on his arms, folded together on his desk.

Tony got comfortable in his chair, with his feet up on his desk; not taking his eyes off his Probie. He was doing what Gibbs told him to do and what he would have done even without Gibbs' order.

He was looking after Tim.

* * *

As Ducky led Mrs. McGee into a conference room, he offered her a coffee which she declined. Instead, she wasted no time demanding answers.

"Dr. Mallard, what's going on with my son? Why is he so distraught he clings to me like...?" Mrs. McGee broke off with tears in her eyes.

"Like the lost little six year old boy you took into your home and adopted shortly thereafter?" Ducky respectfully asked in a quiet tone as Gibbs entered the room and silently sat down in the chair at the end of the table, effectively sitting between the two.

"Seven. But yes." Mrs. McGee answered in surprise.

"Mrs. McGee. What brings you to NCIS? Tim says you're supposed to be on a Mediterranean Cruise. When he heard that you dropped everything and came here for some reason, you've got him scared that something is wrong with you or his father." "Is there something wrong?" Gibbs asked.

"No, Agent Gibbs. Is there something wrong with Tim?"

"Is that what brought you here?" Gibbs again side-stepped the question.

"Agent Gibbs! Please! Tell me what is going on!"

"Mrs. McGee, I apologise, I'm not trying to stonewall you. There's a lot going on with Tim right now and I'm just trying to find out if you've come to add more to his problems."

"Jethro!" Ducky admonished.

"I apologise, it's been a very rough week for your son and those of us who've tried to help him through it." Gibbs offered uncharacteristically. He needed Tim's mother to do whatever she could to shed some light on the situation.

"Please, tell me what's going on! Why has it been rough for him?" Mrs. McGee asked with panic beginning to rise in her voice. "Does it have something to do with the woman who's out to get him?"

Gibbs looked at Ducky for a minute before he looked back at Mrs. McGee as Ducky asked her the question they most needed answered.

"Mrs. McGee, we know that you adopted Tim when he was 7. What we need to know, is what you knew about his life before he came to you. Trust me, we will explain why soon. Then we'll get to the part about this woman to whom you have referred."

Tim's mother took a deep breath and looked down at her hands. "Tim came to us as a frightened and near broken spirited as you could possibly imagine a little boy of 7 could be. The Foster Care system told us that his records were sealed and the only thing they could tell us or help us with is that he'd recently lost his parents and his sister. They warned us that he was so withdrawn they had put him on the unadoptable list and we were his last chance at a way out of the foster care system. They were gonna put him in an orphanage until he reached 18." Tim's mother was in tears at the thought of what this little boy had almost had happen to him.

"We've never asked him about what he remembers of his childhood before he came to us. He never spoke of it then and as the years went by, it never came up. Why? Do you know what happened to him? Is that why he's so upset?"

"Yes, Mrs. McGee, we do know what he went through. And I have asked Tim how he feels about you being told about it and he has left it up to me, to my judgement, whether or not you need to be let in on something that will be extremely painful for you to hear. His only stipulation was that he not be in here while we tell you."

Ducky looked at Gibbs in surprise. He wasn't surprised at Timothy's trust in Jethro, but he was surprised at the lengths Jethro was going to in order to get this worked out. As he watched, Jethro slid the folder he'd entered the room with, across the table to Timothy's mother.

Silently, both men averted their eyes, only watching her out of the corner of their eyes. Neither one wanted her to feel like she was under a microscope as she read and took in what had happened to the little boy she'd adopted and the horrors she'd helped save him from reliving in his mind thereafter.

As Mrs. McGee read through the file in front of her, tears rolled down her face at the thought of her son, her Timothy enduring this pain and suffering. _He'd never, ever said a word about it. But his troubled demeanor made so much sense now. Yet, he'd been so quick to warm up to them and open up to them, like a freshly renewed morning glory. She knew it was silly to compare Tim to a flower, but it couldn't be helped._

Raising her head up to meet the eyes of her son's boss and treating physician, Mrs. McGee whispered, "When did you find this out?"

As Gibbs relayed the events that had taken place since Friday afternoon, actually backtracking to that moment in the case where Gibbs had taken the baby from him. Mrs. McGee struggled to comprehend what her son had been going through. Coming to the end of his report, Gibbs looked pointedly at Ducky.

"I assure you, Mrs. McGee, we have been watching over him very carefully." Ducky promised.

"I can see that you have, Dr. Mallard. I see the trust he has in you; in both of you." She answered, both of them fully aware that she was referring to what had happened down in the squad room earlier.

"You need to understand, he doesn't want to discuss it with you. He simply is okay with you being informed of the situation." Ducky tried to explain. "It would be wise if you could bring yourself not to treat him like it just happened recently. His nightmares are already doing that."

"I understand, Dr. Mallard. It will be hard, but I do understand. Tim's a grown man now, and he doesn't need his Mother to make things better for him." She admitted.

"We _were_ in the same squad room a few minutes ago. Tim couldn't have made it more plain that he _does_ need you." Gibbs stated in frustration

"But, not as a little boy needs his mother. As a grown man trying to find his way all over again." Ducky explained.

"I understand." Mrs. McGee said.

"Are you ready for us to continue? We need to talk about the purpose of your visit. Tim needs to be in on this." Gibbs asked gently.

"Agent Gibbs! I didn't even want him to know I was here! Now, you're ordering me to tell my own son something I didn't want him to know?" Mrs. McGee was furious.

"Mrs. McGee." Gibbs tone was patient but steel. "I do not lie to my agents. They are family to me and I look after them as if they are my own. Tim is an honest person and he is given the same respect in return. As much as he's been through this weekend, the least he deserves is the truth."

That being said, he took out his cell phone and called the young man, putting the phone on speaker, so his mother could hear what Gibbs knew she would.

"Boss?" sure enough, the voice belonging to his youngest field agent was exhausted, strained and worried.

"Tim. How you holdin up?" Gibbs asked carefully.

"I'm okay, Boss. Can't you tell me what's goin on?" Tim asked with growing concern obvious in his tone.

"Come on up to Conference Room 2. Let Tony know where you're goin." Gibbs encouraged without answering the question.

As Tim came in the room, Gibbs and Ducky deliberately watched his mother while she greeted him once again; managing to remain calm and not let on how upset she'd been to see the file that now lie hidden under Ducky's medical binder on the table.

When he'd taken his seat next to his mother, Tim looked up at Gibbs. "What's goin on, Boss?" he asked in fear.

"Dunno, Tim. Just relax and we'll find out." Gibbs told him, holding his eyes locked until he sensed his agent had indeed calmed down. Offering him a small smile of encouragement, he then turned to the young man's mother.

"We need to know about this woman you think is after Tim." Gibbs firmly redirected the conversation.

Mrs. McGee reached into her purse and withdrew a letter "Agent Gibbs, these have been coming to the house twice a week for the last two months."

_Mrs. McGee:_

_You've had your time with him.  
He's my baby boy and I will get him back.  
No matter what!  
I know where he works and where he lives!_

"Mother! Why didn't you tell me?" Tim cried, his disbelief written all over his face. Gibbs also saw the fear underneath; saw it climbing into his agent's posture and his eyes.

"McGee." Gibbs' steely warning was all it took.

Tim let go of his outburst. He slumped back in his chair, his head back, his eyes staring up at the ceiling as he fought the tears, the fear and the sorrow.

Gibbs left him alone with a quick glance to Ducky, making sure the M.E. was keeping his eye on the struggling young man for him.

"What did you do about these, Mrs. McGee? Why didn't you let Tim know? Or at the very least; let us know?"

"Because, she's doing it to me! She's calling me! Following me! Sending me letters! Agent Gibbs, but why would she do this now? He's a grown man!"

"Her motives don't seem to be anything more than her wanting her son back. But, this doesn't mean she's a danger to Tim." Gibbs pointed out.

"She's been doing this for three months and she's not gonna stop!" Mrs. McGee cried.

"Mrs. McGee, please calm down and tell me what about her is making you believe Tim is in danger from her." Gibbs insisted.

Ducky cleared his throat, his eyes not wavering from those of Jethro's agent. During the course of the discussion between his boss and his mother, the young man had become increasingly upset, silently. The M.E. was unsure if it was the heated conversation between two people he cared deeply about; or if it was the fact that his biological mother had come back into his life in this less than positive way; and behind his back.

Whatever the cause of Timothy's current distress, Ducky wanted it addressed now. As he cleared his throat, Jethro, as expected, stopped and looked over at his M.E., and immediately over at his agent. In all of about five seconds, Gibbs was up out of his seat, walking over to Timothy and reaching out to the young man with a reassuring arm to his shoulder as he crouched down in front of him; suddenly immune to the young man's mother sitting close by.

"Hey. Talk to me." Gibbs said quietly, as he locked eyes with him.

"Do I still have to stay in the fight?" Tim whispered brokenly with tears in his eyes; eyes that were also filled with fear. "I know you want me to, Boss. But, I can't fight her, too, You can't expect that much of me. The nightmares are bad enough!"

Mrs. McGee sobbed from her chair next to her son. Hearing her son's despair was breaking her heart. Seeing his obvious trust to help him through this given to his boss; made it easier to swallow, but still tough to sit through quietly. She knew she had to take the back seat and let them work through this, but it was so hard.

"Tim, listen to me." Gibbs directed quietly. "You can _do_ this. Ducky and I are right here with you. Tony's right outside. Your mom's right here. This woman will not get to you. We will get you through this." The compassionate reminder was effective.

Tim wiped his tears away and sat up straight, with an apology in his eyes.

"No. We've been through this. You have nothing to apologise for.." Gibbs reminded him of that too. "Now, are you…"

The door to the conference room was abruptly flung opened to admit a woman with fire in her eyes and anger on her face.

"Where is he? Where is my son?" the woman yelled.

Gibbs stood up, instinctively placing himself between Tim and the door. Ducky quickly joined him in blocking this intruder from Timothy. Tony breathlessly reached the room seconds after the woman had.

"Boss, I'm sorry, she out maneuvered me and well, I'm sorry, Boss."

"It's okay, Tony. Come in." Gibbs said carefully, in measured tones accompanied with the silent command for Tony to protect Mrs. McGee from whatever potential threat this intruder presented.

Tim stood up and turned around. As he looked at the woman in the doorway, his face lost all color.

"Tim?" Mrs. McGee called as she saw his shock.

Gibbs immediately turned back to his agent, just in time to catch him as his knees buckled; in time to help him find his chair.

"What' is it?" Gibbs asked Tim in grave concern.

_"Boss, that's my mother!"_


	11. The Fight Round 1

_"Boss, that's my mother!"_

* * *

Before Gibbs could even wrap his mind around what was quickly becoming an out of control situation; he was distracted yet again:

"Gibbs?"

Ziva's strong voice raised in question from behind the woman at the door brought a surge of relief through Gibbs. He quickly regained his mental footing while standing back up from where he'd crouched down to hear Tim's horrified whisper just a moment ago. Immediately, he did what he could to get things back under control.

"Ziva. Tony. Escort our guest to Conference room 6. Make sure you mind your manners and get her a drink. Keep her company till I get there." Gibbs' quiet order was filled with steel as the anger radiated off of him.

With fire in their eyes; Tony because he'd heard Tim's heart-wrenching plea to Gibbs and Ziva because she'd seen the emotions on the faces of her friends and knew this woman wasn't welcome here; gladly did as Gibbs requested. Conference Room Six was on the floor below; meaning Gibbs wanted this woman as far from Tim as he could get her without letting her out of the building. That was fine with them. Keeping her company was fine with them also; they had no intention of letting her out of their sight. Ziva smiled as she thought of Gibbs' order to make sure they give this woman a drink.

Tony was fuming on the inside as he helped Ziva escort the now quiet woman down to the appropriated room. How did this woman find Tim after she'd fallen off the grid? Why would she do that to her own child? Why did he suddenly feel like this rotten turn of events was his fault? As they got her to the room and enclosed her in it; Tony breathed a sigh of relief, while still feeling the anger rising up in him.

He remembered this woman had gone to jail for child endangerment; two counts. Mentally unstable; unable to stand trial for her daughter's death; a direct result of that child endangerment. Her son, their Probie, put in foster care at the tender age of six, almost shoved into an orphanage with no hope for a permanent home because of the pain and suffering he'd been through. It all made Tony's blood boil. He still didn't know the details of what exactly happened in Tim's home to bring all this about; but even without those details, it was clear; this woman did not need to be in Tim's life; especially unexpectedly like this. The horror on Tim's face; the fear in his eyes; said it all. It all made Tony want to just cuff the woman and haul her ass to the brig. Breathing a frustrated sigh, Tony sat and patiently waited for Gibbs to come interrogate this woman. This was something he definitely wanted front row seats for.

Gibbs breathed a sigh of relief as the woman was escorted downstairs and away from his agent. Looking back at Mrs. McGee, it was clear to see she was distraught. Ducky followed where Gibbs was looking and immediately went over to Tim's mother and began talking softly to her, letting her know that everything would be all right.

Turning his attention to his agent; he did not like what he was seeing. The tension and fear still radiated off this young man. Although it was to be expected, given the circumstances; Gibbs still hated to see it in any of his people. With everything this kid had been through this past weekend; this was a giant kick in the teeth for him as well as a huge step backwards in terms of finding a way to put this behind him. The poor kid had been so bogged down in fear, he'd let it out in front of his mother and Gibbs knew his agent well enough to know, he'd be kicking himself severely for that for a long time to come if it wasn't addressed.

Tim's eyes had yet to come up from his lap. Suddenly, unable to bear the sounds of his mother's heartbreak, he bolted. Unwilling to be anywhere near the other woman; he ran for the safety of the stairwell. There was no way in hell Tony and Ziva would have taken her this way. As he got to the stairwell; the knowledge that he'd expressed his fears openly, as if he'd been a child, in front of his mother, was chasing him. He found the corner of the landing and slid his way down to the floor; pulling his knees up once he'd sat down. With his arms resting on his knees, he let his head touch the wall behind him, as tide of emotions he'd held back; washed through him completely; bringing sobs and pain filled tears from the depths of his soul.

Gibbs's voice rang in his head; loud and clear; breaking through his tears. Words he'd spoken to him just this morning, coming back to him in full clarity; along with the strength of Gibbs' integrity

_You have nothing to be ashamed of, Tim. Don't you forget that. But, she can't take these monsters away for you. You have to purge them; but you're not in it alone. Your entire team is here to help. Don't forget that either."_

"_I've got no reason to be pissed at you, so long as you stay in the fight. And let us help you win it."_

_Don't let this take away anything else from you!" _

_"Not simple, Tim, just possible. You hang in there."_

_"But, there's no reason for you to just quit. I would have never asked for you to be assigned to my team if I'd a thought you were a quitter." _

_"You did ask for help and I'm trying to give it to you. Ducky's trying to give it to you. Tony's trying to give it to you and Abby and Ziva would too, if you let them. You're not alone in this. Your team wants to help you and that should help you want to stay in the fight and come out on top." _

His own plea for the easy way out came back to mind, too. Again, Gibbs had showed him trust and faith.

_"Do I still have to stay in the fight?"_ _"I know you want me to, Boss. But, I can't fight her; too, you can't expect that much of me. The nightmares are bad enough!"_

_"Tim, listen to me. You can do this. Ducky and I are right here with you. Tony's right outside. Your mom's right here. This woman will not get to you. We will get you through this."_

Gibbs was right. With the strength of his boss' belief in him and the support of his team; he could handle this.

Wiping his eyes and putting his priorities in order, _resolution first, emotions later; isn't that how they handle cases? Why should this be any different? _Getting to his feet, he straightened his clothes, wiped his eyes again and headed to the men's room to wash his face. As he headed back to the conference room, he drew in a deep cleansing breath and slowly let it out.

Stepping back into the conference room, he was surprised to find only Ducky and his mother present. "Where's Gibbs?" he asked in concern.

"Timothy, Jethro has gone to talk to our guest. How are you, young man?" the M.E. asked, surprised at how composed Timothy looked. As he scrutinized the young man, it was obvious the lad had allowed himself to cry; _well, that's good. Maybe he'd allowed some of Jethro's advice to help him get back in the fight._

"I'm fine,, Ducky. Thanks. How long's he been gone?" Tim pushed.

"He just left, not two minutes ago." Ducky assured him.

""Good. Mom, I'm really sorry about all this. I need you to know that everything'll be fine. Soon. Okay. Please? Don't worry. I'm sorry you had to see me like that. Can you stay here with Ducky till I get back, please? Ducky; that okay with you?" Tim hurriedly pushed.

"Certainly, Timothy. I'll be happy to keep your mother company." Ducky promised.

"Thank you."

"Tim, where are you going?" his mother asked in unhappy fear.

"Relax, Mom. I'll be back." was all Tim would tell her. She'd been through enough.

Racing down to the other Conference Room, he was surprised to find Gibbs standing outside of it, not even attempting to go in. As Tim slowed his approach, Gibbs looked at him in concern and surprise.

"You all right?" he asked the young man.

"Yeah, Boss. Thanks to you. Can we get this over with, please?" Tim asked respectfully.

Gibbs saw the determination in the young man's eyes; the fear was gone, the pain a mere shadow; but how long would it stay that way?

"Are you sure you want in on this?" Gibbs asked him.

"Yes." Tim said with steel in his voice.

"Okay. What about your team?"

"The less I have to explain myself the better, Boss." Tim said philosophically.

Gibbs nodded; yeah, he could understand that.

"Okay. Let's do this. Abby ran her prints off her drink; I'm waiting for the results first.

Abby came running up with the printout in perfect timing to Gibbs' statement.

"Hey, Tim. How you holdin up?" she asked as she handed the paper to Gibbs and turned to kiss Tim on the cheek and hug him.

"Okay, Abby, thanks and thanks for running this for us so fast." Tim offered.

"No sweat, Timmy." she said softly. "You hang in there. Don't forget, we're here for you."

"I know, Abby, thank you." Tim sad as he straightened his shoulders and looked at Gibbs. The boss was patiently waiting and inclined his head in his silent question of Tim's readiness once Tim looked his way. At Tim's nod, Gibbs opened the door and entered the room with Tim and Abby right behind him. As Tim turned to close the door, Gibbs' phone rang.

Flipping his phone open. Gibbs answered it as he stopped in his tracks.

"Yeah, Gibbs."

"Jethro, Timothy's mother is quite adamant that she be allowed to be there when you talk to this woman." Ducky's distressed voice came through loud enough that Tim froze where he stood, his eyes instantly going to those of his boss.

Silently, Gibbs left it up to Tim. Just as silently, Tim reminded his boss that it was his judgement Tim was relying on. And so, thinking it would make things easier for Tim, give him less to have to recount to his mother later, Gibbs answered the M.E.

"Okay, Ducky, bring her on down, but I don't want her interrupting what we need to do." Gibbs said.

"Understood, Jethro. I'll talk to her. We'll be right down." Ducky promised.

As Gibbs put his phone away, he looked over at the woman who had crashed the meeting upstairs, most unpleasantly.

"Who are you?" he asked, anger vibrating throughout the room.

"I am this young man's mother." The woman said indignantly.

"Name?" Gibbs inquired.

"June Harris."

At that name, Tony's eyes hardened and his temper got the best of him

"Prove it!"

Gibbs sat back, allowing Tony to handle it until he needed to take the controls back.

The woman produced her driver's license and as Tony looked at it, he noticed it was dated just that day. No damn wonder he hadn't been able to locate her!

As the door to the conference room opened, admitting Ducky and Mrs. McGee; who immediately took up the nearest chairs they could find; Tony let his anger for his Probie rip:

**"Where've you been for the last 20 plus years?"** Tony demanded, completely forgetting that they knew where she'd been for the first six months of those years.

"Trying to get my life straight." The woman threw back at Tony with complete unrepentance; it was obvious she felt like she had done nothing wrong.

"That's…"

"Tony." Tim's quiet call for Tony to back off didn't go unnoticed. As the Senior Field Agent looked to the younger man, he was astounded to find him looking steadily at this woman who was claiming to be his mother. As the rest of his team watched also, Tim rose from his chair and looked at all of them in turn for a second before turning to look at Gibbs.

Gibbs had steadily kept his eyes going from June Harris to Tim and back. He felt a rush of pride at how together his agent had pulled himself. Maybe he had been able to hang on to some of Gibbs' attempt to encourage him earlier. What he was seeing now was a damn sight better than the fear filled agent asking to quit, he'd seen a little while ago. _Good Job, Tim!_

June Harris, however; was a different story. The very fact that she was taking on a righteous attitude spelled trouble; especially for Tim. Gibbs spared a glance for Mrs. McGee to see how she was dealing with this; to find she was almost smoking with anger; but with Ducky's help, staying out of the mix. Gibbs was grateful. Tim was obviously to take control of this; and Gibbs didn't want anyone to get in his way.

As Gibbs watched, Tim addressed the room. "Guys, thank you; all of you. I appreciate that you're here for me and you wanna help. But, right now, I need to talk to her. Alone."

As the group all began to sputter their objections, Tim threw he hand up in such an uncharacteristic move for him; they all froze, leaving whatever words had been on their tongues, unsaid.

"I'll be fine. I know you won't be far." Tim said in quiet faith. "Please. Let me do this." Tim's words were spoken to the group at large, but the request was directed with all earnestness toward both Gibbs and Mrs. McGee.

Mrs. McGee silently got up and approached her son. Whispering in his ear for a minute, she then kissed his cheek and left the room first. Tim's team followed out behind her. After all, if his mother saw fit to do this his way; who were they not to?

Taking a deep breath, Tim fought back the tears his mother's words wrought from him.

As Gibbs kept his eye on the chaos around him; he was grateful that it was becoming more controlled. Seeing Tim once again fighting back emotions and tears, Gibbs was not happy that unintentionally as it was, Tim had just been thrown off his game once again. Once the room had emptied out, Gibbs pulled Tim aside and looked him in the eye as he spoke to him quietly.

"You can do this. But, I won't leave you alone with her."

"Boss!" Tim whispered.

"No! McGee, we don't know anything about who she is! We don't know if she's stable! You let me have her searched again and then I'll leave you alone with her; and then I'm only giving you 5 minutes alone with her. Got it?" Gibbs demanded.

"Yeah. Thanks Boss." Tim conceded; eternally grateful that Gibbs had thought of it when he hadn't.

Opening up the door, Gibbs beckoned Tim out into the hallway and beckoned Tony and Ziva back into the room. As his agents did as he bid; even though they were confused, Tim went to his mother, curently standing along the wall in tears next to Abby and hugged her.

"I want her searched again and her purse confiscated." Gibbs quietly told Tony and Ziva with iron in his voice.

"On it, Boss." Tony said with relief.

"Yes, Gibbs." Ziva said with a smile.

Turning to June Harris, he told her the truth." I will let Tim do this his way; as long as you don't prove to be a danger to him. My agents will search you; make sure you're not carrying a weapon or anything harmful. You've got one shot to do this right. You won't get another. Hurt him and you will answer to me."

"Hhmmm." Tony cleared his throat meaningfully. Gibbs looked at him thoughtfully. Nodding slightly, he turned back to June:

"Right. You'll be answering to all of us." Gibbs angrily left the room without waiting for her to answer him.

Out in the hall, he found Tim comforting his mother, all traces of his own tears gone. Still unhappy at the roller coaster his agent was currently stuck on, he took the situation back in had for the moment.

"Ducky, have Ziva and Tony stay with Mrs. Harris while McGee and I get some coffee. Mrs. McGee would you like me to bring you back a cup?" Gibbs asked, deliberately letting it be understood that he wanted a minute with his agent, alone.

"No, thank you, Agent Gibbs. I'm fine." Tim's mother quietly responded. She didn't miss the anger burning in those eyes. The man was obviously upset with her about something.

As her son left the hallway with his boss, Mrs. McGee turned to the M.E. "Doctor Mallard, why is Agent Gibbs angry at me?"

"Mrs. McGee, Agent Gibbs is simply reacting to the chaos that Timothy seems to be mired in at the moment. He noticed that Timothy seemed to be struggling once again after you spoke to him." Ducky explained as tactfully as he could.

Mrs. McGee nodded her head as she silently contemplated the M.E.'s words, Agent Gibbs' anger and what she'd said to her son.

As Gibbs walked Tim to the break room for coffee and the chance to breathe, Tim remained quiet. Gibbs left him to his thoughts, only wanting to give the young man the chance to calm down, not looking to start him in any conversation while he still had this to get through.

"Thank you." Tim suddenly offered with a wealth of gratitude included in the tone.

"For what?" Gibbs asked in surprise.

"Everything. I've been a wreck ever since Friday and you've pulled me out of it. Kept me going. Gave me a reason to fight back." Tim said with determination.

"No, Tim. You gave yourself a reason to fight back. I just reminded you of what it was." Gibbs told him with a small smile. "But, you're welcome. You sure you're gonna be okay in there?"

"Yeah, Boss, I'll be fine. I know you and the team'll be right outside the door. I just don't want my mother nearby." Tim answered.

"Why not? She's concerned about you." Gibbs reminded him.

"I know. But, I don't want her to get mad at me." Tim answered sounding like a kid in trouble.

"Why would she get mad at you?" Gibbs asked in shock

"Cause I'm not plannin on being nice to this woman." Tim said honestly and with feeling.

"Wait a second! You're worried about how your mother's gonna react if you don't play nice, here?" Gibbs asked incredulously.

"Well, yeah!" Tim sputtered. Everybody knew he was polite to a fault.

_*smack*_

"Thanks, Boss. What was that for?" Tim asked as he looked at Gibbs in surprise.

"For worrying bout stupid stuff! Focus!" Gibbs told him with a touch of command in his voice.

"Okay, Boss. I got it. I am focused, really."

As they turned to go back to the conference room, Gibbs put a hand on his arm and stopped him as he asked him carefully. "You wanna tell me what it was your mother told you that had you so upset?"

Tim took a steadying breath and looked away from his boss.

"It's okay. You don't have to tell me." Gibbs reassured him.

"It's not that." Tim answered quickly. "She told me not to let that woman take me away from her. Said I was a son that any mother would be proud to have but that woman didn't deserve to have a son like me" his voice had dropped to a near whisper.

"Your mother's right, Tim. Why was that so hard for you to hear?"

"Can we talk about this later, please?" Tim's voice was breaking and he quickly cleared his throat to win the battle.

"Yeah. Sure." Gibbs promised with a pat on the shoulder. In comfortable silence, they made their way back to the conference room. With a look, Gibbs told Tim to stay in the hallway as he, himself went in.

Looking at Tony and Ziva in turn, Gibbs speared them both with his patented silent question.

"She is clean, Gibbs." Ziva told him.

"Her purse is with security, Boss." Tony told him.

"Ok. Good Job, both of you, send McGee in." Gibbs directed them as he kept his eyes trained on Mrs. Harris.

As Tim came in, he exchanged smiles with Gibbs and took a seat as Gibbs turned to the woman and had one last word to say to her:

"You just remember my warning."

As the door closed behind his boss, Tim turned to the woman, who was supposed to be his mother and asked her.

"What was that about?"

"Oh, that cranky person warned me that if I did anything to hurt you, I'd have to answer to him. Can you believe that?"

Tim swallowed hard. _Wow! Gibbs said that? Damn, I am glad I got back in this fight. All right, let's get this over with. I can't let Gibbs down. Gotta stand up on my own two feet here. If he thinks I can do this; I must be able to, somehow_.

"Okay. First of all, that 'cranky person; is my boss. So, show some respect! He's watched out for me more than you'll ever know. Second of all, I wanna know why you're here. Have you been contacting my mother?"

"You're **my** son! Yes, I have contacted her. I wanted her to know that I want you back. June exclaimed.

"Let me set the record straight for you…"

* * *

Two minutes later, the conference door flew open and June Harris stormed out with tears in her eyes. As she attempted to get past Gibbs; he unexpectedly stepped into her path; bringing her to a halt.

"I'm finished here!" she spat; hoping that would get him to move out of her way.

With eyes hard as steel and the quiet tone to match, Gibbs responded to her declaration: "No. No, you're not."


	12. The Fight Round 2

Gibbs quickly propelled June Harris into the next room. Pointing Ziva, Abby and Mrs. McGee in Tim's direction as he went, gesturing for Tony and Ducky to come with him.

"What do you want with me now? June Harris demanded. "I've got nothing to say to you!"

"Good. You're not in here to talk. You're in here to listen." Gibbs told her calmly. All traces of anger had disappeared.

As Gibbs opened the file in front of him, he read it out loud from cover to cover; his voice laced with anger at the words he read; determined for her to hear what she had done to her children. June Harris, to her credit, allowed herself to show the pain she was now being dealt, of being responsible for the pain inflicted on the innocent children. The tears began to flow and the sobs shook her shoulders.

Tony felt sick. With each word Gibbs read, Tony's anger climbed dangerously higher until it was only his respect for Gibbs and Ducky; and his need to hear everything they could pull out of this woman; that kept him silent and in his seat.

Gibbs got up from the table as quietly as he could. He was too unsure of what he'd do to her. Looking at Ducky, he stepped back and allowed the M.E. to take his chair. With the fury once again running through him, that reading the file on Tim's childhood had reignited; he turned away from the table, to look outside, using the breathing room to regain control of himself.

Ducky offered June the box of tissues and waited patiently for her to regain her composure. His patience was borne of the need to keep the situation under control and Jethro's need for answers. The M.E. knew that he had to be the peacemaker until this was finished.

Gibbs had no such patience which was a good thing because Tony was just a wisk away from losing his own temper on the woman. _Why did they have to sit here and listen to her fall apart? She didn't deserve their sympathy! They deserved answers for Tim's sake! There was no way, Tim had gotten any answers outta her; she hadn't talked to him long enough!_

"Mrs. Harris. You need to hear what else needs to be said." Gibbs told her as he walked back to the table and sat down next to Ducky.

Nodding her head through her tears, the woman pulled herself together bit by bit. After an uncomfortable few minutes, she quietly told them she was ready. Gibbs was livid with this woman right now; but he needed to do this. He couldn't just let her walk away without getting her to understand the damage she'd done; no matter if she'd realized it or not.

"Mrs. Harris. Do you have any idea what this has done to Tim?" His tone was deadly quiet.

"No, how could I? He seems to be okay." She reasoned.

Tony's anger shot through the roof and it was only Gibbs turning to glare at him that kept him from taking more than that first step in the woman's direction.

_I got this. You're here to listen._

Tony nodded in understanding, offered a look of apology and visibly pulled himself in check.

Gibbs nodded back at him and turned back to the woman.

"You don't know him well enough to make an assumption like that. Tell me something. What happened the night you and your husband were arrested? When Tim and his sister were taken to the hospital?" Gibbs asked.

"I thought I wasn't here to talk." Mrs. Harris asked in confusion.

"Humor me." Gibbs replied bitingly.

As Mrs. Harris relayed what happened that night, Gibbs anger began to smoulder. She was recounting the same exact situation that was haunting Tim's sleep! He was reliving that last night over and over again now.

The more words that came out of Mrs. Harris' mouth, the sicker Tony felt. To think that his Probie had lived through this nightmare! It had been so bad, he'd blocked it from his memory for all these years! And now, he's stuck with it in constant replay in his head when he tries to sleep. How the hell were they gonna help him get past this?

When she got to the end of her details, Mrs. Harris had tears in her eyes. "I never meant for the kids to get hurt!"

"Are you telling us that this was the first time your husband every hit Timothy?" Ducky asked in disbelief.

"Earl never hit Stephen before that night." June told them with absolute certainty in her voice.

"Were there ever any other bruises on the boy that your husband explained away like they didn't matter?" Ducky persisted. The M.E. was certain what the truth would be and his heart ached even more for Timothy at the thought.

"Well. Yeah. But Earl always claimed that Stephen got hurt while he was playing. Always reminded me that kids get hurt all the time." June said regretfully. "Do you think he was abusive to Stephen?" her tone became horrified.

"He hit you, didn't he?" Gibbs asked, his anger barely controlled.

"Once or twice. Usually, he just took it out on the walls." She said. Gibbs blinked and looked down at his hands. _Why the hell do parents do this to their kids? Don't they realize that even taking it out on the walls affects the kids?_

"What happened after you were taken to jail that night?" Gibbs asked once he'd gotten his thoughts back under control. He wanted the whole story since she was obviously willing to open up now. Tim deserved the answers Gibbs knew the young man wouldn't have bothered to ask for; for himself.

"Foster Care came and made me sign away my rights to Stephen and Laura. They said it was the only way Laura could have a proper burial, if she was technically in state's custody."

"Were you aware that your six year old son had been informed of his baby sister's death as soon as she died?" Gibbs asked with contempt.

"NO! I had no idea he would have been told. Why would they do that?" June cried in horror.

"You think he wouldn't have kept trying to find out what happened to the little sister he'd fought so hard to protect?" Gibbs pushed.

"Of course he would have. Yes." She agreed.

"Are you aware that he continues to blame himself for her death?" Ducky asked; his own tone full of anger now.

Tony's head snapped up. _What? No! Oh, Probie!"_

"No. Why would he do that?" June asked in surprise and disbelief.

"After you got out of prison, where did you go? Did you check into a Psychiatric Facility?" Ducky asked; deliberately changing the subject. The current one was making him too angry to be constructive.

"Yes, under an assumed name. I got my act together. I paid my dues!" June exclaimed.

"Then why is Tim paying them too?" Tony asked in contempt. He'd stayed quiet until he could respect Gibbs' attempts to get to the truth by not exploding on the woman. At Ducky's admission of Tim's self-appointed guilt; it had taken everything Tony had within himself not to launch himself at her throat.

Gibbs hid his smile of pride at Tony's defense of his teammate.

"I have no control over what his mind relives. I'm sorry he's going through this." She explained miserably. "Surely, you can see that."

"Maybe. If you hadn't stalked Mrs. McGee; sent her threatening letters, repeatedly and shown up here unannounced and uninvited." Gibbs told her.

"I had to see him!"

"Why?" Gibbs demanded; all attempts at bridling his anger had vanished. "What _possible_ reason could you have for just showing up like this; more than 20 years after you signed away your rights to the son you allowed to be abused damn near to death?"

"He's all I have left in this world!" June cried.

"I'd say that was entirely up to Tim." Tony muttered angrily as he removed himself from the room. He'd heard enough. It was time to go check on his Probie. Seeing Gibbs that angry was call for some space and distance from the man before he inadvertently turned it on someone else.

"Mrs. Harris! A parent puts the needs of the child before their own. Apparently, you've never done that! You still think of your wants instead of the needs of an innocent victim of your cruelty!" Ducky exclaimed in anger, despite his best efforts to contain it.

As Gibbs carefully got up and left the room right behind Tony, he headed to the break room for coffee. He needed the space to regain his self-control. Ducky would know he could let that woman leave. The M.E. knew Gibbs enough to know when the Agent had reached his limits with someone.

Sure enough, several minutes later, Ducky put in his appearance in the break room.

"She's been escorted off the base, Jethro." Ducky's voice still bore testimony to his anger; but it had cooled in an effort to offset what would be Jethro's fury.

"Good. Did you get contact information on her in case Tim has questions he needs answered?

"Yes, Jethro, I did." Ducky assured him.

Thanks, Duck." Gibbs gave out quietly.

"I'll go check on Timothy." The M.E. offered, knowing Gibbs needed more space to think.

Gibbs silently nodded as he continued to process the events of the morning.

Once he'd reached the conference room, Ducky was relieved to see that Timothy was peacefully standing at the window, looking out at the world beyond the room, while Tony quietly kept watch over both his teammate and the door. As Ducky stepped into the room, Tony drew him back out into the hallway.

"Anthony? Is something wrong?"

"No, Ducky, I just think we need to leave him to his thoughts so he can process everything." Tony told him in all seriousness.

"Very good idea, Anthony. Now, what about you? You've certainly heard a lot this morning and most of it not good. How are you processing it?" Ducky inquired with concern.

"I'm fine, Ducky. Really. Sure I'm angry as hell that he had to live through something like that, but we can all see he's trying to get past it, so why should we make it hard for him, right? Tony rationalized, obviously fighting with himself to put it all away for Tim's sake.

"I'm proud of you Anthony. That's very wise and probably most helpful in this situation. Where are Ziva, Abby and Mrs. McGee?"

"Mrs. McGee said her goodbyes and Ziva and Abby are escorting her downstairs." Tony explained.

"Thank you, Tony." Gibbs said from behind him. "Ducky's right. You did good."

"Thanks, Boss." Tony said as he made his escape back to the squad room. Gibbs would want to take things from here and Tony needed some time to think.


	13. Knockout?

Staring out the window of the conference room, Tim thought back to the words he'd thrown at the woman who was supposedly his 'mother':

_"I am not your son. It doesn't matter if I'm the person you gave birth to. It doesn't matter that you 'raised' me for six years or not. I'm not interested in any kind of parental/child relationship with you. Go back to your life without me in it. Leave my mother, my family and my teammates and boss alone!" _

Tim felt horrible. He'd never spoken to anyone like that in his life before and he hadn't wanted to do it now. On top of that, his hurtful words to her had been spawned from his own guilt; guilt that he couldn't shed no matter how hard he tried or how bad he wanted to. This blanket was his to bear. And the worst part? How in the hell was he supposed to 'purge these monsters', as Gibbs phrased it; when it was his own fault they were plaguing him?

As Gibbs and Ducky stepped into the room and quietly closed the door behind them, Tim remained lost in his thoughts.

Upon entering the conference room, the older two men spent a silent moment trying to assess both Tim's current mood and state of mind. From where they stood, he seemed calm enough; but both of them knew the possibility of that being a mere mask was real. While they didn't want to push him to talk about anything, they also didn't want him to wallow in anything either.

While Ducky chose to talk the passive approach and take a seat at the table until Timothy was prepared to talk; Gibbs took the more active approach and walked up to his agent and stopped close to him; where he could speak without having to talk loud. Surprisingly enough, he remained silent, as if waiting for Tim to come back to the present and realize on his own that he was no longer alone.

As expected, Tim became aware he had company and brought his mind back to the here and now; temporarily putting everything else on the back burner. As the young man turned to look at him in silent inquiry, Gibbs asked:

"You all right?"

"I'm okay." Tim replied quietly but without conviction.

"It's okay not to be." Gibbs explained.

"No. It's not. You taught me that." Tim reminded him with guilt, regret and worry all fighting to hide from his eyes.

"Out in the field, yes. But, this is different." the boss attempted to remind him of his right to be human.

"Boss. I'm okay." Tim reiterated patiently as he blinked, trying to put his feelings away.

Gibbs looked at him long and hard. He knew damn well that his agent was doing his level best to be okay and he wasn't happy that the guy was willing to fib about it because he thought the truth wasn't something his boss wanted to hear.

Tim shuffled his feet and his eyes. He knew that Gibbs knew it was less than the truth.

"If you don't want to talk about it, just tell me." Gibbs told him, trying to let him off the hook with the dishonesty, this time. "Don't hide it."

"I don't really want to." Tim admitted.

"Understood." Gibbs said calmly as he turned around. He'd taken a few steps when Tim said: "But, I need to." Turning around to face Gibbs, he was pulled up short in surprise to find Ducky sitting there silently. "If I don't talk about it, I won't be able to get it out of my head." Tim complained.

Taking a seat at the table, Gibbs pointed to an empty chair.

Bringing himself to the table, and sitting down, Tim felt like the weight of the world had just climbed back up on his shoulders. He'd reached out to Gibbs when he thought the opportunity to do so was leaving with every step Gibbs had taken toward the door just now and now he found himself speechless with nerves.

Seeing his struggle to put what he needed to into words, Ducky took pity on him and broke the ice; "Timothy, why don't you tell us, if you can; how those few moments with Mrs. Harris went?"

Smiling a small smile of gratitude at the M.E.; Tim told them what had happened. The extremely short one-sided conversation he'd had with her; only to have her jump to her feet with tears running down her face as she stormed out of the room.

"And how did you feel when you had done that?" Ducky asked, knowing what the answer was going to be.

"Horrible." Tim said to neither of their surprise.

"Why?" Gibbs asked quietly. He knew that Tim's character would automatically be mentally kicking him for the situation and the way he'd handled it; but Tim needed to see that it was okay to put himself first like this when it became necessary. Mrs. Harris had blindsided him and backed him into a corner; daring to come through Mrs. McGee to get to him and the young man had had every right to set her in her place in no uncertain terms. Gibbs was proud of him. Damn proud of him.

"Put aside the fact that you're a well-mannered person, McGee; what bothered you about it? Or is that what's got you all tied up in knots about it now?" Gibbs pushed.

"Nothing else bothers me about it. I knew I didn't care how it came out, I just had to get her to understand what I wanted." No, I'm okay with what I said; just bothered by how I went about it." Tim admitted.

"What's really eating you?" Gibbs asked; knowing it had nothing to do with his biological mother and in all likelihood had everything to do with his adopted mother and whatever it was she had whispered in his ear before she'd left the room. Whatever it was had brought tears back to his eyes and had him fighting to hold his feelings back; again. It had to be the reason he couldn't promise that he was okay now.

Tim silently looked toward the window for a moment, trying to find the words. How could he explain this? What would be the words to use?

"Tim? I asked you earlier if you were ready to tell me what it was your mother said to you that had you so upset. Is that what this is about?" Gibbs asked.

Taking a deep breath, Tim slowly let it out and looked at Gibbs. "Yeah." he admitted regretfully.

"You said she told you not to let that woman take you away from her. You said she told you that you were a son that any mother would be proud to have but that woman didn't deserve to have a son like you." Gibbs reminded him.

"Yeah. I know." Again, Tim's eyes filled with tears as he once again looked away.

"I told you that your mother was right. I asked you why that was so hard for you to hear. Are you ready to tell me why it's keeping you so upset?" Gibbs asked kindly.

"I don't deserve any of what she said." Tim answered quietly, his voice breaking.

"Why ever not, Timothy?" Ducky was confused.

"We've already talked about this." Tim reminded Gibbs as his guilt began once again taking over his rationale. Locking eyes with his boss, he dared him to deny the truth behind Tim's self-depreciating remark.

"Yeah. We have." Gibbs said as he suddenly realized where Tim's head was taking him. "And like I told you when we had this conversation,

"That it was your parents' job to protect your sister. It was their job to protect you, too. It is NOT the job of a six year old little boy, to protect a four month old baby."

"Oh, Good heavens, Timothy! It most certainly was not your job. Her death is not your fault my dear boy!" Ducky exclaimed in sympathy. He knew the young man blamed himself; just he'd told June Harris that Timothy did; but to hear it straight from the young lad's mouth and in such overwhelming sadness and guilt tore at the M.E.'s heart.

"You don't understand." Tim tried to explain quietly.

"Tell us what it is we're not understanding, Tim" Gibbs encouraged. It was clear that his agent was losing the fight to stay calm amidst the rising tide of guilt and sorrow threatening to wash through him once again. Whatever was driving him right now to feel this way needed to be purged.

"If I had done things differently that night, she'd still be alive!"


	14. Accepting The Way Things Are

_"If I had done things differently that night, she'd still be alive!"_

* * *

"Timothy, what on earth could you have possibly thought to do differently at such a tender age as six?" Ducky was shocked.

"I could've stayed in my room with her. Instead I had to go and put myself back out there in the middle of their fight; like I was important enough for them to stop long enough to pay attention to me." Tim muttered as he awkwardly bolted from the chair and took himself back to the window; the calming sight of the water

Gibbs realized that no one would be able to help Tim think any different about this; because as sad as it was to even contemplate; there was a slim chance that he was right. It didn't matter that none of this would change what did happen that night or what his life was now. What mattered was finding a way to help Tim learn to live with this once buried and forgotten deeply painful part of what had been his childhood; a childhood he could no longer get through a good night's sleep without reliving.

Because, Tim being who he was, would never be able to until he had confirmation that it hadn't mattered what he'd done that fateful night. The end result of his parents fighting that night would have turned out just as tragic which ever way he'd handled it.

And as much as he hated to admit it; Gibbs could think of only one person who could do anything about that; the only other living person who had been there that night. He refused to bring her back into this; Tim didn't need that right now. But, the sad fact remained that none of the rest of them were equipped to help him through this; unless:

"You're absolutely right, McGee. It was your fault." Gibbs put out there in totally unexpected agreement.

Tim's devastated eyes found those of his deliberately provoking boss. "What?"

Ducky experienced a moment of outrage efore his better senses kicked in; reminding him that this was how Jethro talked sense into people; backwards. Thankfully, the M.E. managed to stay out of the mix.

"I agree with you. It was your fault, After all, you were all of six years old and you were supposed to know as much as your parents at that age. You were supposed to know everything that could happen. After all, you were the adult that night, right?" Gibbs asked.

"No, of course I wasn't the adult." Tim objected.

"Oh. Ok. Then you must have been pulling the strings. Let me guess; they were the puppets and you were the master, right?" Gibbs pushed.

"No." Tim said with rising anger.

"Then, how is it your fault that your parents acted the way they did?" Gibbs came back at him harshly, wanting to kick Tim's fighting spirit back into gear.

"No offense, Boss, but you've missed the point." Tim said desperately. "I'm not claiming responsibility for their actions, just my own. I already explained it to you. It's obvious that you don't understand."

_**FLASHBACK**_

_That noise; once again; heard loud and clear; as yet another hole was punched in the wall! This time; his mind seemed to snap and he ran out of the bedroom and began to scream: **Why can't you just stop fighting?**_

_SMACK_

_Suddenly, his screams stopped in mid -motion as he felt himself struck hard across the face. Falling to the floor; he writhed and rolled in both physical and emotional agony. _

_"EARL!! Why did you do that? Why would you hurt him like that?  
He thinks he can tell his ole man what to do? He's just a punk kid!  
Earl let me take the kids and give you some peace and quiet, please. You didn't have to hurt him, he's just a baby!  
In silence, Mom hears the baby crying from the bedroom and goes to Stephen's room and brings the baby back out and begins to rock her gently to soothe her cries._

_Vaguely; Stephen's aware that the baby is being taken away; the fighting is escalating as the baby is now being held in the midst of the fight; something he always tried to prevent._

_Earl: Put her back to bed!  
June: I have to get her to stop crying first. Why don't you go out for a while; go for a drive?  
Earl: YOU TRYIN TO GET RID OF ME NOW?  
June: No, I just want to calm both of you down. Maybe I'll just take the baby for a drive, try to calm her down_

Stephen tried to get back up only to have Earl knock back down again, only this time, he hit him a lot harder,

EARL! DON'T DO THAT TO MY BABY!

Oh, so now he's your baby? Give Laura to me, you don't know how to take care of her anyway!

_Needing to do his job; Stephen tries to pick himself up off the floor; only to be knocked down again and just when he thinks the worst is over; he hears a thump; and the baby screams in holy terror Blackness swallows him whole._

_End Flashback_"

* * *

The conference room was overwhelmed with the silence borne of Tim's recounted details and the accompanying pain he obviously still felt and Ducky and Gibbs both felt for him. Gibbs was determined to get Tim to the point where he could think past this; think about the logistics of what he was wrapping himself up in; blame that wasn't his to carry. Before he could speak, Ducky beat him to it.

"Timothy, while that very well may have been a possibility, there is no guarantee that that night would have ended any differently for your family than it did, my dear boy." Ducky tried to soothe Tim's obvious pain and guilt into acceptance and understanding.

"I know, Ducky. But, don't you see? It's that possibility that I..." Tim tried to explain but the words just wouldn't come.

"McGee." Gibbs' quiet address drew the young man's attention to the boss.

Tim. you need to hear this and accept it for the truth that it is." Gibbs advised. "Your mother chose to take your sister out of your room that night. The blame needs to stop right there. End of story. Unless you **want** to blame yourself. You need to accept the truth, McGee. As a six year old child, you did nothing wrong."

The possibility that Tim was right and Gibbs was wrong made Gibbs' words seem to just bounce off the walls of Tim's mind, ricocheting endlessly.; Tim knew deep down inside that his actions cost his sister her life. The reality of it and the fact that he'd lived with it all this time, hidden safely and securely from his own heart and mind, too devastating to shrug off as easily as Gibbs was seeming to propose, But, suddenly, another thought struck him, almost like a bolt of lightening. _How could I have lived my life this long with this hidden away like she never mattered?_

Tim remained speechless. As the young man's shoulders began to tighten up, his breathing began to become labored and his eyes remained glued to the table, Ducky got up and quickly whispered into his ear.

"Timothy, calm yourself. You won't make this any easier on yourself by getting this upset."

Tim silently nodded at Ducky's words and worked to calm himself down. As Ducky sat down next to Tim to monitor his ability to calm down, Gibbs took the situation firmly in control as he walked up to his agent and sat down in the chair on the other side of him.

"McGee, look at me."

Tim immediately looked up and at Gibbs.

"No one can do this for you. You have to be willing to let this go." Gibbs told him quietly and compassionately.

Tim looked at Gibbs for a half-minute before he erupted from the table and stalked over to the window.

Ducky followed Tim while Gibbs stood up and took himself close enough to the other two to listen but not interfere. Apparently, Tim needed more help than Gibbs had realized. It was time to get this over with. Before he could say anything, Tim turned from the window and sought Gibbs' eyes, locking his own with those of his boss before he spoke:

"Do you really think I want to feel like this? You think I like not being able to think straight, not being able to sleep without hearing her scream? Even if you're right and there's a possibility that things wouldn't have ended differently if I hadn't handled things the way I did that night; it doesn't change the fact that she never got to live her life and I did." Tim said as he continued to let Gibbs see the raw emotions he was trying to harness as he spilled his heart and soul out into the room through his deepest, most inner pain and sorrow.

"You know I'm right about this. If I had kept her quiet, no one would have come and got her and she and I both would have made it through that night, alive. I don't know how I'm supposed to live with that.

"Tim..." Gibbs started to answer him.

"But, I'll try." Tim continued sadly. "God knows, I've learned to live with these buried memories long before they came out of hiding. I'm sure I can find a way to do it again."

"Tim." Gibbs said again." There are people you can talk to who are trained to help with things like this." Gibbs reminded him quietly.

"I thought you weren't gonna let me resign?" Tim asked in surprise.

"Resign? Timothy, what on earth? Jethro, you would...." Ducky sputtered in shock.

"Not let him go anywhere and he knows it." Gibbs finished in answer to Ducky's question. "Just because you need to talk to someone about this, does not give anyone grounds to force you to resign, McGee. You know this."

"It's a matter of record, isn't' it?" Tim asked in a tone that made it apparent that he thought the two went hand in hand.

"You choose someone not associated with NCIS and it doesn't go on your record. You don't get help dealing with it and it affects your job, it goes on your record. Sounds like a pretty clear choice to me, McGee." Gibbs told him.

Tim looked at him with a wealth of sadness in his eyes. "Okay. I promise I'll talk to someone."

Not understanding where Tim's sadness was coming from, Gibbs set down one last order. "I want confirmation that you have, in writing, by Wednesday. And when you come back from your week's vacation on Monday, we'll talk again." Gibbs told him.

"Okay." Tim said again. "Thanks for trying so hard to help me with this. Sorry to be such a bother and a disappointment." As he turned to leave the room, he clasped Ducky on the shoulder in appreciation, his eyes still filled with sadness and now also with something akin to self-depreciation. He left the room without a second glance at his boss or giving the man a chance to say anything else to him.

Once his agent had left the room, Gibbs turned to Ducky. "What the hell was that?"

"Jethro, he looks to you for guidance and he respects you tremendously. You are well aware that Timothy is still finding his feet on your team and the last thing he wishes anyone to think about him is that he is weak; most especially you.

"Why would he think that I think he's weak, Duck" Gibbs asked in confusion.

"Jethro, you just ordered him to talk to a Psychiatrist. Yet, he has heard you speak of your utter distaste and dislike of them. It's not hard to understand how he can put the two together and arrive at the conclusion that you think people who need to see a psychiatrist have that need because they aren't strong enough to handle their own problems." the M.E. reminded Gibbs.

"So, he thinks I've just told him to his face that he's too weak to do this without help." Gibbs tried to reason through what Ducky was saying.

"I'm afraid so, Jethro." Ducky agreed.

"So, this entire weekend? Him confiding in us, him allowing himself to break down and let it out in front of me?" Gibbs asked painfully.

"Will have been for naught and he will not be able to bring himself to confide in anyone again, if you do not fix this, now." Ducky warned.

Snapping out his phone, Gibbs called Tony.

"Yeah, Boss." Tony said.

"Where's McGee?" Gibbs asked without wasting time.

"Right here at his desk" Tony said.

"Keep him there. Do Not Let Him Leave!" Gibbs instructed in the tone he reserved for times he refused to be argued with or disobeyed.

Snapping his phone shut, Gibbs thanked Ducky and quickly headed back to the squad room. Tony and Ziva were quietly working on cold cases; although Tony was steadfastly keeping his eye on McGee as Gibbs had ordered him to.

Silently directing Tony and Ziva to go on and go to lunch, Gibbs approached Tim's desk as the young man was obviously preparing to leave.

"McGee."

Tim looked up at him. His eyes suddenly shuttered, making him appear shockingly cold and unfeeling.

"C'mon, you're with me." Gibbs directed.

Tim raised his eyebrow in silent question, since Gibbs had just told him he was on forced vacation for the week.

Gibbs out-stared him and McGee backed down, after all, standing up to Gibbs was an entirely new experience for him and one he was still trying to get comfortable with; one that he was actually failing at.

Silently, he followed the boss out of the squad room and out to his car. As he allowed Gibbs to drive him where ever it was that they were going, his mind continued to churn things over.

"I think you misunderstood what I said earlier, McGee." Gibbs said as a way of breaking the ice and starting the conversation.

"Whattya mean, Boss?" Tim asked worriedly.

"I didn't tell you that you need to talk to someone because I think you're weak. I did it because I don't want this to pull you apart any worse than it already has." Gibbs explained as he drove through the city streets on the way to a more comfortable place to talk without the whole world listening in.

The relief on Tim's face was instant and uplifting to see. Gibbs internally breathed a sigh of relief and sent up a silent thank you to Ducky for saving the day and this situation. It could have ended so much worse, especially for Tim.

"Do you understand why you need to talk to a professional about this?" Gibbs asked patiently. The need to keep Tim from falling apart or worse; withdrawing into himself away from everyone, more important than Gibbs' need to be tough as nails at the moment.

"Because you don't understand what I've been trying to explain." McGee told him with brutal honesty.

"No. That's not the reason. But, just so we're clear, why don't you explain it to me one more time, what's going on in your head?" Gibbs offered.

"I should have stayed in my room with her that night. Pure and simple. If I had, none of that other stuff would've happened; she wouldn't have died and I wouldn't have been sent to foster care and almost given up on." Tim's voice had risen sharply, but now had fallen to near whisper as it began to break.

"And now I don't know how I'm supposed to live with the fact that I've lived my life until now, like this never happened; like she never mattered! What kind of person does that make me?"


	15. Taking the First Step

_A/N: So sorry for the delay in updating._

_Short chapter here, but it needs to stand alone._

_

* * *

_

* * *

_"And now I don't know how I'm supposed to live with the fact that I've lived my life until now, like this never happened; like she never mattered! What kind of person does that make me?"_

* * *

Four O' clock Sunday afternoon found Tim sitting alone in the park, watching the world go by as he allowed his mind to wander. Thinking back to earlier in the day when Gibbs had drivien him to lunch. It had, Tim realized, been the most unusual morning in the history of NCIS, since Tim's tenure there had begun, anyway.

**FLASHBACK**

_As the silence in the car lengthened and steadily became stilted and uncomfortable, Gibbs spoke._

_"McGee. no one is better equipped to help you with this than a Professional. That's why I've given you that stipulation about coming back to work. Doesn't mean my door isn't open to you anymore. It always is and always will be open for anyone on the team, including you."_

_"Thanks, Boss. I get it, now." Tim said. He knew that Gibbs had acted so out of character in his behalf this entire weekend and it was time to set things back on track before he wore out his welcome. Besides, Gibs was pretty smart when it came to stuff so who was to say he wasn't right about this, too?_

_"Let's finish our conversation." Gibbs requested._

_"What conversation, Boss?"_

_"From yesterday. Still asking yourself 'what good am I?'" Gibbs asked._

_"Oh. that one." Tim responded, fully reminded now of where this had all started in the first place. "I'm still concerned about it, sure." he admitted._

_"You doubting yourself kinda supports my stipulation don'tchya think?" Gibbs pushed carefully._

_"Yeah. I do see your point, Boss." Tim had conceeded._

_"So, are we good? I'm not gonna have to hunt you down to get you back to work next Monday, am I?" the boss asked in complete seriousness._

_"I'll be there, Boss." Tim promised._

_"And, McGee?" _

_"Boss?"_

_"I stand corrected. You don't have to be willing to let it go. You have to be willing to work through it. There is a difference. But, the only way to do it successfully is to not try to do it alone!"_

_"Understood. Thanks, Boss."_

_**END FLASHBACK**_

He had a lot to be thankful for. The entire team had tried to be there for him and help get past this nightmare. He owed it to them to do what he could for himelf to further that agenda and learn how to live with the memories he now couldn't hide from. The need to deal with this pain in a way that made living with it bearable was front and center in his life right now. The team was counting on him to pull himself togetehr as much as he could. Sighing in resignation and acceptance, Tim took his cell phone and the business card out of his pocket and made the call. This was gonna be one of the hardest things he'd ever had to do. But after the weekend he'd had, maybe, just maybe, this would be a walk in the park in comparison.

***************

When Gibbs returned to work after having lunch with Tim, he sent everyone home after a fifteen minutes he made them use to straighten up their desks and close up shop,since it was in fact Sunday and no one should have had to have been there in the first place. He knew they were all worried about Tim but he also knew that Tim needed some time and space to think about everytihing. Gibbs made sure his team understood that no one was to push the young man into company or conversations he didn't want. Checking up on him was fine, pestering him or hounding him was not. He could sense they were anxious. Stopping them in their tracks, he hit the speaker on his desk phone and called thier teammate.

"Hey, Boss." Tim's quiet but respectable answer to his ringing phone let them know he was okay.

"McGee. Your teammates wanna speak with you." Gibbs told the young man while gesturing for Tony to pick up the conversation.

"Hey, Probie, miss the grind? Wanna hang out with Ziva, Abby and me tonight? We're going to the movies and then we're gonna go out and grabs something to eat."

"Thanks, Tony, but I can't. I have to get up early tomorrow." Tim begged off.

"So do we, McGee." Tony reminded him.

"I know, Tony, but I'm really tired." Tim admitted.

"All right, McGee. Call us if you need anything or if you change your mind." Tony conceded after recieving a glaring silent message from Gibbs, _Stop pushing him!_

"McGee. Do not hesitate to make that call if you need to." Ziva reinforced Tony's suggestion.

"I'll call you guys if I need anything. Thank you. I promise. But, I'm just gonna go to bed." Tim promised.

Gibbs snatched his phone up and took it off speaker as he waved Tony and Ziva gone for the night.

"McGee."

"Yeah, Boss?"

"You have any more trouble sleeping, you call me." Gibbs quietly but firmly directed. "That's not a request."

"I know, Boss. I promise, I'll call you. And Boss?" Tim offered

"Yeah, McGee."

"Thanks."

"Anytime, Tim."


	16. Two Steps Back

_"I am not your son. It doesn't matter if I'm the person you gave birth to. It doesn't matter that you 'raised' me for six years or not. I'm not interested in any kind of parental/child relationship with you. Go back to your life without me in it. Leave my mother, my family and my teammates and boss alone!" _

Gasping for air, Tim shot up in bed, bleary-eyed; jerked from the depths of slumber, not by the memories Gibbs had helped him talk about; but by his own hurtful words and the look in that woman's- his mother- eyes as she'd fled from the pain he'd just inflicted on her; coming back to haunt him.

The boss' words came back to him: _"You have any more trouble sleeping, you call me. That's not a request."_

Even as the words he'd so thoughtlessly spoken yesterday came back to him in vivid clarity, Tim wanted to Gibbs-slap himself for such cruelty. Had anyone else ever talked to someone like that; Tim would have been horrified! What had given him the right to treat her that way? Surprisingly, Ducky had seemed to agree with Gibbs in thinking Tim had been within some sort of understandable leeway and shouldn't feel badly about it. But, then again, Tim knew how angry Gibbs was at her. There'd be no sympathy or understanding from him on her account There was no way Tim was waking the man up at, what time was it; _three AM_; just to talk about the possibility of why what he'd done to her was now haunting his dreams.

Resigned to the inability to find sleep again, Tim got up, made coffee and headed for the shower. He couldn't go to work this time, He was beginning that forced week off and still had his first ordered session with the shrink to get through, later this morning. Although Gibbs had mandated that proof of said sessions were in the works, Tim had already decided to wait until he'd survived the first one before taking the boss the proof.

Now that he'd showered and felt slightly better; at least more awake than dead to the world, Tim fixed his cup of coffee and headed over to his computer. Even if his desire to write seemed to be coming back, there was no way he'd clack away at his typewriter at this ungodly hour. That left the computer for his outlet of energy and wandering mind needing something to do. As he logged onto his computer, he ran through the possibilities of what he could do with his free time, now that he was actually able to think clearly.

_His mother_. Those words came back to him on a whisper. _Laura_. What would she have looked like if she'd been alive today? Why was he thinking like this? It was only keeping the pain fresh and sharp. Was he a sucker for pain, now? Shaking his head to clear his thoughts, his mind resettled on the haunting vision that had woken him to begin with. _His mother_.

Bringing up his Word program, he let his fingers fly on the keyboard, not paying attention to what he was typing; only the thoughts that were flying through his brain in rapid succession with no sign of the end in sight. He didn't know how long he was at it, didn't stop to drink his coffee, and only made himself stop when his alarm clock went off. The alarm clock shattered the fog he'd been in while engrossed in this endeavor. Almost calmly, he got up from his desk, without even closing the program or shutting the computer down; his brain still have clouded with the remnants of being out of the here and now for so long.

Quickly, he got dressed and headed out. He had an appointment to get to. It was only when he'd driven to the office building he needed and parked that he realized, he was an hour and a half early. The alarm clock had been set early enough for him to get showered and eat breakfast. Waking up hours earlier had knocked his timing off kilter. Oh, well, maybe he'd just cat nap until it was time for his appointment. Setting his phone alarm, he laid his head back and closed his eyes. The phone alarm woke him in what seemed like only minutes later. Shaking his head to clear the cobwebs, he got out of the car and headed into his appointment.

An hour and a half later, Tim was back out in his car, the required proof that professional help was in the works, written, signed and sealed, now sitting on the seat next to him. This first session had been rough and everything Tim had feared it would be. Taking himself back through everything from the beginning of the case that it had brought it all out for him, had left him mentally exhausted and drained. Physically, the short night of sleep was catching up to him. Here it was only 11:00 in the morning and he felt like he could sleep for the rest of the week.

Eleven thirty found Tim stepping off the elevator into the squad room almost with trepidation. He wasn't sure what he felt, being here without being allowed to work. It definitely didn't feel right. Somehow he felt like Gibbs had deemed him incompetent, even though the boss man had promised him it wasn't incompetence but the need to be kept together, kept from falling further apart; that was giving him this break from work; even if he didn't want it.

Part of Tim wondered what the team would think of him now. Here he was, not even two full years on the team and he'd had several people die, at least two of which, he felt directly responsible for; and was still finding his feet. Tony still treated him like a fledgling frat boy; Abby, like their breakup hadn't broken his heart; and Ziva, like she was afraid his legitimate attempts to be her friend, weren't legitimate at all. Did he even belong here? What was he doing on this team, anyway?

_Great, not only did he hate what he'd done to his mother; but, now this whole damn mess had him doubting everything about his life! When would this end? Where would it end?_

"McGee?" Gibbs' voice abruptly startled Tim from his thoughts.

Guiltily, Tim shuffled his feet, suddenly self-conscious of the fact that he was standing in the middle of the squad room, doing nothing but staring off into space. _Yeah, real intelligent, Genius!_ Straightening his shoulders and putting his thoughts back into submission; Tim walked over to the boss' desk and silently handed him the envelope he'd brought for him.

After Gibbs took the envelope from him; steadily watching his face as he'd taken it; the boss put the Dr.'s statement in his desk, locked the drawer he'd put it in, and geared up. Watching Tim begin to get nervous, Gibbs smirked as he came around the desk and headed past the young man, toward the elevator. He'd taken good five or six steps away from him before opening his mouth.

"C'mon, you're with me."

Tim's mouth dropped open, long enough for him to realize that it had; before he quickly closed it and hustled after Gibbs. As they rode the elevator down, the silence was strange; not quite uncomfortable, but not easy, either. Once out in the fresh air and daylight, Tim felt better and even breathed in a few deep breaths of relief mixed with concern. His thoughts from a few minutes ago were steadily gaining strength, bolstered with a strong dose of genuine worry, wrapped in the fear of being right.

He'd been so lost in his thoughts; he hadn't realized that Gibbs had stopped walking with him. He'd sat down on the bench while Tim had kept walking all the way to guard rail that partitioned the water from the park-like area, some fifteen feet back. Now, with his awareness suddenly back on track, he turned to look for Gibbs, only to find the man suddenly at his side, looking at him with concern.

"What's going on, Tim?" Gibbs asked quietly.

Tim couldn't find the words. There were too many. Words that explained how this morning's session had left him feeling; words that described how he felt being woken from his sleep by his own shameful actions and the picture of pain and misery those actions had created; words of doubt; words that described how he didn't belong in this world he'd built for himself; too many words. And yet, he couldn't find the right ones.

Gibbs watched the emotions filter through Tim's eyes and across his face. Since he'd found the young man lost in his thoughts back in the squad room a few minutes ago, something had seemed wrong. The kid looked exhausted, again. But, it had been more than exhaustion in his body language. There was something else going on with him and it was almost alarming, now, to see how far gone he'd slipped into his thoughts as they'd walked outside. The young man's continued silence was troubling too. After being able to get him to open up with everything this past weekend, this sudden inability or unwillingness to talk was seriously problematic. Gibbs didn't like it, not one bit.

"McGee?" the boss attempted again.

Tim finally looked at him, although the emotions that mixed and fought for recognition in his eyes was something else to be concerned about.

"What's going on?" Gibbs pushed.

"It's too hard to explain, Boss." Tim finally spoke with regret.

"Try me." Somehow, Gibbs knew it was important to get the conversation going now. Tim wasn't exactly hiding the desire to talk.

"I can't. I can't explain it" Tim tried again to get Gibbs to give him a way out.

"Okay." Gibbs backed off, suddenly worried about pushing too hard.

"I have to go. Not supposed to be here, remember?" Tim reminded the man who had made him take the week off.

"McGee." Gibbs answered with frustration. _Was this the problem? Was Tim pissed about the week off Gibbs had ordered for his own good?_

"It's okay, Boss. I get it. I mean look at me, I can't even talk about what's on my mind. How'm I supposed to be any good on the job, right?" Tim's self-depreciation irked Gibbs, but he let it ride; knowing it would better serve what Tim needed; to save it for a later discussion, when there was time to get into the reason behind it.

"You didn't get any sleep last night, did you?" Gibbs changed the subject. Since now wasn't the time to talk about whatever was eating at Tim now, he wasn't gonna give the kid the leeway to drag himself down with dwelling on it either.

"Not much." Tim admitted.

"Was there a reason you didn't call me? I thought you and I agreed that if you had trouble sleeping, you would do that?" Gibbs asked carefully.

Tim looked away, not wanting to have to try to explain to Gibbs what he didn't think the man would want to try to understand.

"Okay. When you're ready to talk, my door's open and my phone works, McGee. Just don't forget that." Gibbs let it go. "You okay to drive?"

"I'll be fine, Boss. I'm just gonna stay here for a while, if that's okay." Tim answered.

"Not a problem. I meant what I said; you call me if you need anything." Gibbs pushed just a little, as he clamped a hand down on Tim's shoulder and squeezed supportively before letting go and leaving the young man to his solitude.

As Gibbs got back inside, he was surprised to find the rest of his team anxiously waiting for him at his own desk.

"Ducky? Abby? What's going on? Looking at Tony and Ziva he extended the question to them, albeit quietly.

"Timmy was just here, wasn't he?" Abby demanded.

Gibbs thought for a minute. Tim couldn't talk to him, but maybe, just maybe he'd talk to Abby or Ducky. "He probably still is, down at the park bench."

When all four of his team member made to scurry toward the elevator, Gibbs halted them.

"Wait! Tony, Ziva, this time you need to wait. Ducky, Abby, before you go..." Gibbs told them cryptically.

Ducky and Abby came back to Gibbs' desk while Tony and Ziva took their chairs at their desk, both looking almost murderous.

Gibbs pulled Ducky aside and explained as best he could, what he felt was going on with Tim. He needed Ducky to know but needed Abby to play it straight with no inner knowledge of Tim's personal fight. She would need to hear only what he was willing to share with her. Their history was too personal as it was, for her to be objective without any else filling her head.

As Ducky took in what Gibbs had told him, he began to realize that Timothy needed someone to talk to who wasn't Gibbs but who would understand why it couldn't be Gibbs; yet. who the young man could talk to. With this determination under his belt, he made his decision. Turning to the anxious lab rat riding in the elevator beside him, he shared his plan.

Abby listened and nodded her agreement when he'd outlined what he felt needed to be done. As the elevator stopped on the ground floor, Ducky got off and headed outside in pursuit of Timothy, while Abby turned around and headed for the parking garage, taking out her cell phone as she walked.

"Gibbs, change of plans."

* * *

Gibbs looked at Tony and Ziva after the other two left the squad room. "You two can have him later. Right now he needs to talk to Ducky."

Tony could accept that. As a matter of fact, Tony was in awe of Gibbs' ability to seem to know exactly what Tim needed and when through all of this. But, where did Abby fit in with Ducky?

"Abby knows McGee better than the rest of us, DiNozzo. They dated didn't they?" Gibbs told him, once again, reading his mind. "Back to work."

Taking the envelope out of the desk drawer, Gibbs read the letter from the shrink Tim had gotten it from:

_This letter is to verify that Timothy McGee has begun seeing Dr. Jonas Shark, Ph.D._

_Mr. McGee began his therapy sessions on this date and will continue with bi-weekly sessions for the next six weeks. At the end of these sessions, Timothy McGee shall be evaluated and an updated Professional Opinion shall be provided._

Putting the letter back in his drawer and locking it away once again, Gibbs turned to check what his agents were doing. As his eyes passed over Tim's desk, Gibbs paused, thinking of everything the young man had gone through this past weekend, and sent up a silent hope that Tim would be able to get through this and get back on his feet.

* * *

Ducky, thankfully located Timothy just where Jethro had said he would be. Jethro had also been correct about the state the young man was in. The need to talk was shouting itself from his body language.

"Timothy. It's nice to see you. How are you, my dear boy?" Ducky's greeting sent a flare of hope through Tim's heart.

"Ducky. Thanks. Nice to see you, too."

"You look troubled. Want to talk about it?" Ducky observed.

"That obvious, huh?" Tim asked sheepishly.

"Jethro seems to think there's cause for concern." Ducky shared.

"Wait, Gibbs is concerned? About me? Great! Now, I've really screwed up!" Tim muttered.

"Timothy, I'm afraid I'm not following you. Why is Jethro being concerned about you, a sign that you've messed up, somehow?" Ducky's confusion was evident and seemed to open the floodgates of Tim's exhausted and overwhelmed brain.

As the young man proceeded to let the M.E. in on exactly what had been bothering him and building up since he'd been so roughly woken up that morning, Ducky could be thankful the young man felt comfortable enough with him to let it out and grateful that he'd followed his instincts on this, as he listened with an open mind to everything Timothy was letting him in on.

Tim, grateful to have the ears of the one person who he knew would let him say everything he needed to, without letting his own emotions get in the way; finally, let it all out.


	17. Not Walking Alone

Tim looked at Ducky with something akin to shame as he finally got near the bottom of the list of what had been bothering him.

"Timothy, there is no shame in needing to talk about these things." Ducky assured him as he accurately read the look in the young man's eyes.

"I know, Ducky, but, this isn't exactly your job. Not to mention it all sounds pretty lame, doesn't it?" Tim sighed in resignation.

"Lame? I wouldn't call what you've experienced in the last week, 'lame', Timothy. And there is no need to beat yourself up for any of it. You've done remarkably well, considering everything that's been thrown at you. I'm sure your Psychologist told you that this morning."

"No, actually he didn't. Ducky." Tim confessed. This was the one area Ducky had not heard about from Tim yet.

"Oh, do you wish to talk to me about how it went this morning?" the M.E. asked with concern.

"Not well. Then again, I didn't expect it to. I knew having to explain everything from the beginning again would ... would hurt like hell.." Tim admitted in a rare show of the rawness he still felt. "Especially, to a stranger."

"You've found some way to cope." Ducky deduced.

"Have I? I'm not so sure. Unless, you consider finding doubt in everything your life's become, coping."

"Absolutely not, Timothy. And from everything you've told me about what's been going through your mind, I see that coping is the wrong word. You're not coping with it at all; you're hiding from it. You've let everything else that has crossed your mind become the temporary buffer, so to speak." Ducky admonished gently.

"Yeah, I know, Ducky. And I don't know what to do about it. Gibbs is making me talk to a shrink before I can come back to work. But this guy; this guy's not helping matters." Tim told him.

"Could this be because you've only made it through the most painful part? You haven't given him a chance to work through any of it with you. Timothy, this will take time. You must be patient."

"And if I'm right, Ducky? If he only makes it worse? Then what?" Tim asked in frustration.

"Do you wish for me to talk to Jethro?" Ducky offered. "Discuss your concerns with him?"

"I seriously doubt you'd be willing to tell him everything I just told you, Ducky." Tim said morosely

"I was referring to your concerns about talking with the Psychologist. However, if you need me to be the buffer between yourself and Jethro and discuss all of what you've shared with me here, then by all means, I will do so. I will do whatever I can to assist you, Timothy.

"Thanks, Ducky. That would make a huge difference." Tim said with relief.

"You need Jethro to understand what you are worried about, but you don't feel as though he will take it well from you. Am I correct when I say that this is why you won't talk to him yourself?"

"Ducky, you saw how angry he was at her. How can I expect him to want to know that the way I treated her is a good part of what's bothering me?" Tim's question was asked with much distress.

"Timothy, while you are being so sensitive to Jethro's feeling on the matter, I also believe you are under-estimating him. Surely, you are aware that his biggest concern at the moment is you?"

"Ducky, if I tell him about this, what's he gonna say? He's gonna tell me to get over it. I can't just 'get over it'"

"I understand, my dear fellow. I will be most happy to have a talk with him. If, you will do something for me." Ducky reasoned.

"What is it?" Tim asked with trepidation.

"Take yourself to lunch. Abby is waiting for you. She has gone ahead to secure a table for the two of you. You did promise Jethro that you would let your team help you and this is how she wishes to help. She wants to have lunch with you so be a good lad and do not disappoint her, hmm?" the M.E. replied as he handed Tim a piece of paper with the address of the lunch diner on it.

Smiling at the easy and enjoyable task Ducky was assigning him, Tim happily complied, "Sure. Thanks, Ducky. For everything."

"You are quite welcome, my dear young man, Carry on. And do call me should you need to talk more." Ducky replied with a renewed sense of accomplishment and hope in the situation.

As he watched Timothy walk much straighter and unburdened with worry, Ducky smiled while he took out his phone.

"Jethro, we really must do lunch."

"Sure, Duck. Where do you wanna go?"

"Why don't you order us something in? We have a lot to talk about. Can you arrange a conference room for us?" Duck asked.

"Well, yeah. Duck. Sure." Gibbs was a little surprised. C_onference room? Ducky? _

He knew that this meant Tim had opened up to the M.E. and he was relieved about it. There was hope that Tim would be able to get through this. Spending lunch with Abby, who had promised Gibbs that she would not let him go home alone, would certainly go a long way in letting the young man know he wasn't in this alone.

* * *

Abby's face lit up when she saw Tim arrive at the diner. As he entered the place and quickly located her, greeted her and bent down to kiss her cheek; she felt a wave of relief come over her. Apparently, the time he'd needed to talk to Ducky had worked out well for him.

"You okay, now?" Abby asked quietly, with hope ringing in her voice.

"I'm trying to be, Abby." he answered her with brutal honesty. "Not there yet, but, I think I will be. Maybe not today or even this week. But, hopefully, soon. I'll at least be able to get this sorted out enough in my head to be able to put it behind me."

"Anything I can do to help?" Abby's desire to help was genuine and as plain as her visible tattoos.

"You're already helping. The way your smile lit up the room when I go here helped a lot. It's really nice to see that someone's happy to see me." Tim admitted.

"Of course, I'm happy to see you, Timmy! I'm always happy to see you! Just because I said I wasn't ready to settle into a permanent relationship, doesn't mean I don't love you! And now that we're not dating, you're my best friend, I'm here for you, Tim and don't you forget that!" Abby declared with all the firepower she possessed in her arsenal of enthusiasm. "We all are! In fact, Tony and Ziva are taking you to dinner tonight. And you are not allowed to say no!"

"Thanks, Abby." Tim replied with a genuine smile. "Now, what are we having, I'm starving!"

* * *

Gibbs sat back from his finished lunch in complete and total bewilderment. Having listened to everything Ducky had to say; everything that Tim had been struggling with just since the young man woken up at the ungodly hour he'd reported to Ducky; the boss man didn't know what to say.

"Jethro?" Ducky asked, concerned about the uncharacteristic silence from his friend.

"Duck, it's mind boggling; the amount of stuff this kid can bury himself under in such a short time!" Gibbs exclaimed.

"Yes, Jethro, it is. But then again, isn't his intelligence and rapid-fire ability to process things one of the very reasons you pulled him from Norfolk and put him on your team?"

"Part of it, yeah." Gibbs agreed.

"Well, then, Jethro, he's merely showing you that he's true to the character you believe him to be."

"And he's afraid to come to me because he thinks I don't care whether or not his way of dealing with all of this bothers him?"

"Precisely."

"What exactly did he say makes him think this Shrink will make things worse for him?" Gibbs asked with concern as he pushed to cover all his questions.

"It's been one day. Timothy is simply emotionally wrung out from having to recount the events he's not only recently remembered, but has had to suddenly realize his life will undoubtedly never be the same, now that he has the memories." Ducky explained. "We simply need to encourage him to be patient and keep giving the sessions his best efforts, Jethro."

"Yeah. I know we do, Duck. But, I also know that ours is the easy part."

"I agree." Ducky said.

"Appreciate you talking with him and filling me in, Duck." Gibbs gave out as he got up from the table. "Where'd you say he and Abby were having lunch?


	18. From the Heart

_A/N: I am so sorry for the delay. _  
_These personal conversations are hard to write, especially when I have four of them going on (4 wip's) at the same time)_

_I appreciate the support, the patience, the readers and the reviewers._  
_Thank you._

* * *

Two long leisurely hours later, Abby had to make herself get up and get moving. Sitting here, enjoying lunch and time spent with Tim; time sanctioned by Gibbs, at that; had been wonderful, especially given the week Timmy had just had. After just a little cajoling, He had just agreed to spend the next hour with her, just walking. She'd promised Gibbs she'd make sure Tim wasn't left alone. Dinner seemed like a long way off and she didn't want him to drive himself all the way home only to have to come back out for dinner with Tony and Ziva. He seemed a little more like himself now that he'd spent time relaxing and eating a decent meal, not to mention enjoying her company. Things were beginning to look better already. As they walked to the door of the diner, her phone rang.

"Hey, Gibbs! We're gonna go walk for a while. You don't need me back yet, do you? I mean..." she quickly asked him, as she saw his name pop up on her caller id.

"Relax, Abby. You're fine. But, I do need to talk to Tim so if you don't mind, I'll take it from here." the boss interrupted her to soothe her worry.

Abby handed Tim the phone with a grin. "He wants to talk to you."

"Me? Ok." Tim's heart was in his throat but he bit the bullet and took the phone anyway.

"Boss?"

"Hey, you think we could talk about this now?" Gibbs asked carefully.

"Yeah. Boss, I'm..." Tim tried to spit out an apology

"No. Don't apologise, Tim; just give us the chance to talk." Gibbs quickly but calmly interrupted him, knowing where he was headed.

"Okay. Thanks." Tim replied with relish as he and Abby reached the parking lot and saw Gibbs waiting by Abby's car.

Abby greeted the older man with her customary kiss on the cheek before turning to Tim and hugging him goodbye with a similar kiss on the cheek for him. "I'll go on back to work and leave you two to talk." she said with a smile.

"Bye Abby, and thank you." Tim told her with a 100 watt smile of his own.

"Anytime, Timmy." Abby told him before she drove off; cherishing the only full fledged smile they'd seen outta Tim in a week.

"Ready?" Gibbs asked him.

"Ok." Tim replied with trepidation as he got in the boss' car.

"What's on your mind?" Gibbs asked right off the bat, not wanting to waste any time.

"You talked to Ducky?" Tim's worry was growing in edginess.

"Yes, Ducky and I talked. Gotta tell you, McGee, I'm a little disappointed that you think I wouldn't be open minded to what was bothering you this morning. But, then again, I get it."

"You do?" Tim asked in surprise.

"I do. You worry too much about what other people think. It's time for you to put yourself first. If you need to talk about something, don't get bogged down in worrying about their reaction." the silver-haired man explained.

"Don't really know how not to." Tim said quietly. "I don't plan it out. It just happens that way."

"I know." Gibbs replied just as quietly. "And another reason you need to give this Psychologist the chance to help you. I understand from Ducky that you think it's not gonna help you. I get that you're skeptical. But I need you to treat this like any other field assignment; above board and with your best effort. If you do that and it's not working for you, let me know and we'll figure something else out."

"For how long?" Tim asked worriedly.

"How long what?" Gibbs asked in confusion as he drove them to a nearby park and parked in the shade.

"How long do I have to talk to this guy?" Tim's worry hadn't eased up at all.

Gibbs undid his seat belt and turned in his seat so he could have this conversation more comfortably. "What is it that's got you so unwilling to do this? I thought you agreed that you needed to do it."

"I agreed with your logic, your reasons for ordering me to do it." Tim carefully corrected him while looking down at his lap.

"Okay, so you agree with the reasons. Doesn't explain your reluctance to follow through. You've already made it through the hardest part, this morning. How much worse do you expect it to get?" Gibbs asked with quiet concern.

"That's just it, I don't know, but I don't want to have to even worry about this anymore. I want to be able to put it behind me. Somehow." Tim looked up at Gibbs for a long minute and somehow suddenly found he couldn't let go of the support he found looking back at him.

"Tim. I need you listen to me for a minute. You need to understand that I've been where you are. I know what you're going through. I know how it feels to have the most painful memory of your life running through your mind on constant replay. The pain and heartbreak that renews itself with every playback. Feels like it happened just yesterday, over and over again. I know what's its like to have those days where it's the only thing you can think about and feel." Gibbs paused for a minute to refocus the conversation where he needed it to go. "Tim, do you know why I'm forcing your hand on this?"

"No." Tim whispered as he looked away, trying to hide the tear sliding down his face. He suddenly felt like he was trespassing on sacred ground. Gibbs was sharing something not only personal, but obviously painful as well and Tim didn't know if he was ready for this side of the Marine-tough boss. But he did know that he felt honored to be let in

"Because I don't want to see you still having those days fifteen years down the road, like I do."


	19. Forging Ahead

Tim was speechless. His emotions were all jumbled together and he felt that anything said now would only take away from this moment, something that was vital. Gibbs had opened a personal door that Tim knew few had ever seen behind. What's more, the man had done it for Tim's benefit, and not his own. Knowing that the very least he could do was make good on his long ingrained manners; Tim did the only thing that came to him.

"Thank you. I know it sounds trite and trivial, but I mean it. Really. Thank you."

Gibbs nodded silently. No words were needed or even available to him at the moment. He'd opened that secret door and surprisingly, he was still breathing normally, wasn't feeling like his heart was gonna explode like it normally did when he dared step back inside this place. Maybe helping Tim through his personal tragedy had been of more help to Gibbs than he'd realized.

"Not just for being tougher on me about this than I was comfortable with, Boss, either, Boss. But for everything. I know I've thanked you for everything already, but you've done so much and now..."

"Tim. Stop. I got it. You wanna show me that you appreciate it? You follow through with this. You listen when I tell you not to go through any of it alone that you don't have to. And. You call me when you're having trouble sleeping. Especially, if you're having nightmares or nights like last night!" Gibbs directed with authority.

"Okay. I get it now. I _am_ sorry I didn't think you could be objective enough to help me this morning, Boss." Tim admitted while he apologized.

"Apology accepted. Now, let me drive you home. Tony and Ziva have plans to take you to dinner tonight so I'm sure you'll want to take a shower and change for that."

"Boss, you could just drive me back to my car. I could drive myself home." Tim suggested.

"You up to it? Driving? Being alone with your own thoughts?" Gibbs asked knowingly.

"I'm fine. Boss. Really." Tim vowed.

Gibbs just looked back him silently and hard, searching for the absolute truth.

"Boss, I promise. I'm fine!" the young man promised.

"Okay." Gibbs started the car and drove them back to the Navy Yard.

Parting company upon arrival at Tim's car, Gibbs pointedly reminded his agent of his promise to call someone if he needed help. Tim renewed his promise to do just that, thanked the man again and set out for home. The trip seemed endless, as driving usual did when one was tired. Eventually and with a deep breath of relief, Tim pulled into his parking space, got out, locked his car door, and headed up to his apartment. It didn't take him long to lock his door, drop his keys, kick off his shoes and crash on the couch.

Mere minutes later, a knock on his door woke him from his dreamless peaceful slumber. Struggling to come fully awake, he settled for calling out at whoever it was, in an effort to get them to stop the pounding against his door.

"Coming! Hold on!"

Peace and quiet returned as Tim sat up and gave himself a minute to focus and regain his sense of here and now. Lumbering to his feet, he scuffed his way to his door. Looking though the peep hole, he was surprised to find Ziva and Tony on the other side of his door, both dressed for dinner. Quickly, he opened his door.

"Hey, guys! Sorry about that, I was asleep. What time is it anyway?"

"Probie, it's 6:30!" Tony complained.

"Wow. I had no idea! I'm sorry. I'm late aren't I? I was supposed to meet you somewhere?" Tim apologized.

"Relax, McGoo. There's no rush. You needed to sleep." Tony answered sincerely as he toned down his attitude. "Go hop in the shower and get dressed. We'll wait."

"Yes, McGee. There is no need to feel badly. I agree with Tony. We will wait." Ziva added calmly.

"Thanks, guys. I'll be quick."

The evening passed nicely, with the three of them even meeting up with Abby after dinner. The four of them went dancing and enjoyed each other's company. Even Abby and Ziva seemed to put their differences aside for the sake of enjoying the evening. Though the team's relationships were in need of bolstering since it hadn't been that long ago that they'd lost Kate, this night and even the personal trauma that they were all keen to help Tim through, seemed to go a long way in building those bridges.

All in all, it had turned out to be a very good day for all concerned.

The remainder of the week seemed to pass quickly. With time on his hands, he once again, dug into his reading. Ever since Sunday night, he hadn't touched his computer, hadn't even had the inclination to go near it. It hadn't even crossed his mind. For some reason, his brain was stuck on reading, almost reaching an obsessive point. Reading became the bulk of how he spent his days. Reading, walking and talking to the Psychologist.

Any moment of skepticism or rebellion at the thought he experienced, of talking to the psychologist, was quickly counteracted by words that came back to him in vivid clarity.

_Tim, I won't let you give up on yourself like this. You fought hard to get here, didn't you?"_

_"You've become an asset to this team and you've got a lot more potential where that came from. You really gonna give up all that you've accomplished because you've had your feet knocked out from under you one more time?"_

_"Don't let this take away anything else from you!"_

_"You hang in there"_

_"I've got no reason to be pissed at you, so long as you stay in the fight. And let us help you win it."_

_"I know what you're going through."_

_"I know how it feels to have the most painful memory of your life running through your mind on constant replay. The pain and heartbreak that renews itself with every playback. Feels like it happened just yesterday, over and over again. I know what's it's like to have those days where it's the only thing you can think about and feel."_

_"I don't want to see you still having those days fifteen years down the road, like I do."_

Emotionally armed and feeling better equipped to handle it, Tim went to his appointments. Each one seemed easier to get through than the previous one. That week, once those words had become a permanent fixture in his head, he'd decided to be aggressive in his own therapy schedule, going daily, wanting to get a jump on getting over this in a way that would end this chapter in his life as soon as possible. By the time Friday rolled around, he felt somewhat better about things, not to mention fifty pounds lighter in the shoulders, as the world was no longer sitting there.

Throughout the week, the team had stayed in touch, come to see him and text-messaged him steadily throughout the day. It gave him a sense of belonging that bolstered his own depreciated self-esteem. Enough to keep him going. He'd respected Gibbs' emotional investment in his situation by calling the man daily and giving him an honest update on how things were going with him.

By Thursday, he'd mustered enough courage to face his writing again. As he touched the mouse, he was surprised to see he'd forgotten to log out the last time, hadn't even set it on power save. As the last words he'd typed appeared on his screen, he sat down in his chair with a plunk. Unsure of what to do with what he wrote, he saved the document and put it away. Suddenly, the desire to write again was gone. Deliberately, he logged into his online game and proceeded to lose himself in his character. Driven to escape the words he'd seen on the page, he played until exhaustion pulled at him late into the night.

The weekend before he returned to work, he felt ready to tackle the one thing his mind wouldn't let go of. Seeing the written manifestation of the unsettled problem brought back the need to deal with it. First, he wanted to talk to Gibbs about it. Needed advice on how to go about it. Up at 6 that morning, Tim anxiously bid his time, forcing himself to go for a run, as he killed some time, Now showered and dressed; ready to get done with this, Tim headed out. Nine O'clock Saturday morning found Tim sitting in Gibbs' driveway, suddenly unsure if it was late enough in the morning to disturb the man.

It wasn't long before the decision was removed from his hands, as Gibbs opened his front door, held up a coffee cup and crooked his finger at him, beckoning him into the house. Surprised, Tim reacted on reflex, obeying the boss. Once inside, he heard Gibbs call him from another room.

"Breakfast is on, get in here before it gets cold, McGee."

Following his nose and his hearing, he found the kitchen and surprisingly enough, Gibbs sitting down to breakfast with a place set for Tim.

"Okay, I know Tony swears you're psychic, but this is almost..." Tim couldn't finish.

Gibbs smiled and pointed to the extra chair. "Sit. Eat."

"Boss, how did you...?" Tim started to ask as curiosity got the better of him.

"My gut, McGee. We still haven't talked about what was bothering you so much on Monday. Remember? "

"And you magically knew I'd be over here this morning to talk to you about it?" Tim asked incredulously.

"Something like that." Gibbs grinned. "Eat, then we'll talk."

A short fifteen minutes later with breakfast finished and coffees refreshed, the two men settled into chairs out on the back deck.

"What's on your mind, McGee? Is it your mother?" Gibbs asked.

"Yeah." Tim admitted quietly.

"I'm listening." Gibbs tone had no censure or ridicule.

"I hate the way I treated her." The extent of the young man's self-imposed condemnation on the subject was obvious in his tone.

"That much I understand already, Tim. What is it you wanna do about it?" the unusually patient question coming from the normally gruff Gibbs, threw Tim for yet another loop.

"Well... I think I should find her, Boss. Talk to her, if she'll let me." The unsure of himself characterisic was back in Tim's voice.

"That what you want? Or is it what you think you should do?" Gibbs pushed Tim to make the distinction for himself.

Tim's answer didn't really come as a surprise.

"Both."


	20. Scaling The Last Hurdle?

_A/N: I apologize for the delay. I've had to redo most of this chapter because this site likes to sign me out with me realizing it, causing me to lose my work and have to redo it from scratch._

**_Gustavia - _**_This chapter's ending is inspired by your observation, although I'm sure where it went isn't what you had in mind._

* * *

Monday morning found Tim back at work and at his desk long before his teammates or even his boss. He'd been anxious to come back, bored of his own company, and more than ready to get back into the swing of things. Once he'd settled back into his chair and gotten situated with his coffee and going through his emails, looking for requests for assistance from other departments and other pertinent emails, and trashing the unnecessary, the conversation he'd had with Gibbs on Saturday morning, replayed itself in his head, of its' own volition.

_"You're sure that you want to talk to your mother?"_

_"Yeah, I'm sure."_

_"Think you can handle whatever she might throw at you?"_

_"No, I'm not exactly feelin' invincible yet, Boss."_

_"Want my suggestion?"_

_"Yes. Absolutely."_

_"Don't do it by yourself. Better yet, don't even make the final decision by yourself."_

_"I'm not following, Boss."_

_"McGee. You trust your Psychiatrist now, right? At least, that's what you've been telling me."_

_"I trust him."_

_"Yeah? Have you talked to him about this?"_

_"Not yet."_

_"Doesn't sound very trusting on your part, Tim"_

_"That's not it, Boss. I just needed to talk to you about it first."_

_"Why?"_

_"Because you went to bat for me; with all this and it wouldn't feel right if I didn't ask you about it first."_

_"Ask me about it? You're asking me for permission?"_

_"Not exactly. More like making sure we're still okay, if..."_

_"Let me get this straight. You're worried about my reaction to you talking to your mother again? Damn it, McGee! Didn't' we already talk about you doing what ever it is you need to do for yourself here?"_

_"Yes."_

_"Then what the problem?"_

_"Just didn't want this comin' at you from outta nowhere, Boss."_

_"Okay. I appreciate that. You're still worrying too much about what others think, McGee."_

_"I'm sorry."_

_"McGee! Don't apologize! How many times do I have to tell you that?"_

_"I thought this situation was different, Boss."_

_"Understood. I already told you that you don't have anything to be apologizing for. Enough is enough!"_

_"Yes, Sir."_

_"McGee! Didn't I tell you not to call me Sir?"_

_"I'm sor... guess I'd better go, now."_

_"McGee! If your Doctor agrees that this is what you should do; make sure you talk to him about getting her to meet you in _his office!"

"_Boss?"_

_"Trust me on this, Tim! Let him set it up so that he's there with you; for you. Don't see her alone. Not yet."_

_*silence*_

_"Tim?"_

_"Okay. Thanks, Boss. I appreciate it."_

_"You know where to reach me if you need to talk."_

_"Yeah. Thanks, Boss, for everything."_

_"Get outta here, go enjoy your weekend. Stay outta trouble! Make sure you're at work Monday morning!"_

_"Right. See ya, Boss. Thanks for everything!"_

_"Go on!"_

* * *

The conversation with Gibbs had been enlightening and had lighted Tim's load. Now, here he was at work bright and early. He'd gotten restless at home and come in a good hour early, needing something constructive to do with his time and energy. Getting his morning coffee, reacquainting himself with his desk and his computer, he happily continued weeding out his emails. Soon enough, the work day was underway and before he knew it his peace and quiet was gone.

Tim didn't mind the noise, actually, as part and parcel of the noise were warm welcomes from his teammates and Ducky and Abby. It felt great to be missed and worried about. With the team's rallying around him in the last two weeks, his self-esteem had managed to climb out of that rocky and unstable place and resettle on firmer ground, just enough to offer some hope for better days ahead. The best thing that had come out of this, outside of no more nightmares, had been a much improved relationship with the boss. Being past the days of stuttering incomplete sentences around the man was doing wonders for his comfort zone here at work already.

The day quickly got busy with cold case files three feet deep and it didn't' take long before the squad room got quiet with the exception of phone calls and keyboards clacking. It was the kind of day that made working here a pleasure, although not as much of one as being out in the field. Tim couldn't' complain, though.

Lunch was surprisingly dropped off at his desk by a nonchalant Tony who casually returned to his own desk, to likewise, enjoy a working lunch. When Tim thanked him for it, Tony waved it off, insisting it was no big deal. Soon, the work day was dug into once again and before he knew it, 4:00 had arrived and Tim needed to leave. Sending Gibbs a reminding email some fifteen minutes early, Tim then closed down his work station at the right time, said his goodbyes and headed out.

Gibbs watched him go in concern. He didn't' like Tim letting this thing about how he spoke to that woman bother him like this. But, the young man had bounced back from the whole ordeal remarkably well with this exception. The moments of mental skirmishes he'd had with himself, had been a normal part of the progression of things and Gibbs was grateful they hadn't lost Tim to the horrors of his childhood. The best thing he could do was make sure the team continued to support him through whatever steps he felt he needed to take until he was past the entire ordeal.

If the end result of today's or even this week's time at his Psychiatrist's office was that Tim found himself ready to talk with his mother again, well Gibbs wanted it to go as smoothly for his agent as possible. His teammates could help with that. Getting up from his chair, Gibbs walked over to his Senior Field Agent and quietly spoke to him.

"Tony, re-locate, June Harris."

Gibbs' quiet order shocked Tony. The Senior Field Agent was instantly on alert and concerned.

"Boss?"

Ziva's eyes grew wide with surprise as her sharp ears picked up the boss' words as well.

"Tony, he wants to talk to her. Find her for him." Gibbs said in the same quiet voice but as if it were a reasonable request. "Don't give him the information until you hear from me that he's ready for it." came the order.

"Got it. On it, Boss." Tony said as his mind filled with concern.

"McGee wishes to speak to his mother?" Ziva finally allowed herself to ask in surprise.

"Well, Boss, we really shouldn't be surprised." Tony reminded the man.

"No, Tony, we shouldn't be." Gibbs answered as he took up his empty coffee cup and headed out for a refill.

"Tony, why do you and Gibbs think we should not be surprised that McGee wishes to speak to his mother?" Ziva asked in obvious total confusion. "After the horrible things he lived through because of her choices, why would he want to talk to her again?"

"Ziva, did Probie tell you what he said to her that day in the conference room?" Tony asked her.

"No. I have no idea what happened between them, Tony. Do _you_ know what happened?" Ziva asked as curiosity and concern took over.

"Yeah, I do and let's just say, Probie's not proud of himself for it. The kid's soaked in manners and he must have stuffed them in his pockets as we left the room that day. Apparently, he thinks he was really rude and mean to her and now he's dripping in guilt." Tony's explanation went no further.

"He believes he owes her an apology for his behavior?" Ziva asked, putting Tony's weird expressions on the back burner for now.

"Oh, yeah." Tony agreed.

"And he is determined to give her one?"

"Yeah, Ziva. The kid was raised to believe showing bad manners in any circumstance is a crime. Go figure!" Tony said with a touch of pride mixed with concern for his Probie.

"Go figure what, Tony?" Ziva asked in confusion. "And how does one drip in an emotion or stuff manners in your pocket?"

"Never mind, Ziva. Let's just find her for him." Tony slid the conversation away from the details of Tim's feelings.

Twenty minutes later when Gibbs returned with a fresh cup of coffee and a fresh perspective, compliments of a conversation with Ducky, it was to find a squad room filled with a silence borne of information discovered. As he looked at the faces of his Senior Field Agent and his new training Mossad Officer, he instantly felt his stomach drop.

"Tony, you found her?" the boss asked knowingly

"Uh, yeah, Boss. We did." Tony said with a wealth of emotion in his voice that damn sure wasn't relief.

"Tony, just tell me." Gibbs quietly let him off the stumbling hook. Something was wrong, that much he could see and sense. Not in a million years would he have been prepared for Tony's answer.

"Boss, June Harris is dead!"


	21. Support Unbeknown

_A/N: Thank you so much for your patience.  
A short chapter that I think does well on its' own._

* * *

"How?" came the automatic question, fired back at Tony without hesitation. "TELL me she didn't kill herself!" the emotion in that demand came through loud and clear.

"No, Gibbs, she did not kill herself. She was killed by a hit and run driver three days after she was here." Ziva answered calmly even though the boss' reaction baffled her.

"Okay. Write it up, just like a regular report." Gibbs directed, as he turned around and headed back down to talk to Ducky. The relief he felt that his agent's mother hadn't taken her own life, was palpable even in his wake.

"Tony? I do not understand. Why was Gibbs worried that June Harris had killed herself?" Ziva asked.

"Because, Ziva. If she had, Probie would never have forgiven himself. He would have taken the blame and buried himself under it. We probably would have lost him, not just to the guilt either. He probably would have quit his job; believing he didnt' deserve it." Tony explained.

"How can you be so sure he would react that way?" Ziva didn't believe for a minute that Tony and Gibbs knew Tim that well. From what little inter-personal interaction she'd seen, they didn't take the time to understand the younger agent at all. Until this last case, that is.

"Ziva, McGee is the first one in line when it comes to taking on blame and guilt for something that goes wrong, especially when it involves people who are affected by choices he's made." the Senior Field Agent explained further.

"Tony, he's been here less than two years. You know him that well, do you? I do not think it is possible that you do. You spend so much time making fun of him and harrassing him, you do not have time to get to know the real McGee." Ziva charged.

"Two weeks ago, I would have had to agree with you, Ziva. But, things are different now. We've all seen a big part of the real Probie and truthfully; now that we have, he's not that hard to figure out or understand." Tony stated.

Meanwhile, downstairs in Autopsy, Gibbs had informed Ducky of the end results of the search for Tim's mother. Knowing this needed to be handled with kid gloves, Gibbs had turned to the M.E. for guidence.

"Jethro, I suggest we inform his Doctor and allow him to handle it. You may want to go talk to him personally. I suggest you take Anthony with you. That young man is anxious to be there for Timothy and this will help him do just that." was the suggestion from Ducky.

"Not a bad idea, Duck. Thanks. Call over there and set it up, will ya, Duck? Oh, and make sure Tim's gone already."

"Certainly, Jethro. I shall call you if there are any problems with you going to see him in an hour?" Ducky suggested.

"Yeah. That'd be fine, thanks."

As Gibbs headed back to the squad room, he made a stop at Abby's lab first. She needed to be brought up to speed on things. He didn't want her accidentally setting off a chain of events that would make this whole situation worse.

"Hey, Gibbs! What brings you down here to my humble abode? I dont' have anything cause you don't have a case!" Abby reminded him.

"Yeah, Abbs. I know. Just came to bring you up to speed on something." Gibbs quietly led into the crux of the matter.

"Gibbs, you're scaring me. You don't usually hedge. You usually go straight for the jugular!" Abby pointed out with worry tainting her voice.

"Not this time, Abbs. When's the last time you talked to McGee?" Gibbs wondered.

"Last night, when I called him to check on him. Why?" Abby asked.

"Did he mention anything to you about wanting to talk to his mother?" Gibbs pushed.

"Which one?" the Goth asked. After seeing the look on the boss' face, she knew. "Oh, that one! No, he hasn't. Why? does he? Why would he want to do that? Oh, right! He thinks he needs to set things right with her! Timmy and his manners!" Abby said with a hint of sadness on his behalf.

"Abby, the point here is that in case he does say something to you about it, you need to be aware of what we've just found out."

"What?"

In response, Gibbs pulled out his phone and called Tony.

"DiNozzo, send what you two found out about June Harris to Abby, oh, and Ducky, too."

Ending the call, Gibbs waited while Abby recieved the information in her email and opened it. Watching her read the accident report and the accompanying file information, Gibbs hugged her briefly to comfort her but otherwise remained silent. When she turned around and looked to him for something, all he could give her was his request.

"Don't say anything to him. We're gonna let his Doctor handle this with him. Clear?" the boss asked.

"Of course! Why can't anything go right for him?" Abby cried on Tim's behalf.

"Abby, things have been going right for him. He's come a long way in the last two weeks. He'll get through this. He's not alone, remember?" Gibbs pushed her to get past this and get back on track. Giving her a peck on the cheek, he headed out, calling Ducky for confirmation of the appointment to see Tim's Doctor as he went.

"Yes, Jethro, he's expecting you in an hour. Timothy has gone already." Ducky advised.

"Call and check on him, Duck." Gibbs request wasn't unexpected.

"Relax, Jethro, I think I'll do better than that. I believe I'll take the young man to get a bite to eat. Doctor's privilage, you know, to make sure my patient is taking care of himself."

"Good idea, Duck. Thanks." Gibbs ended that call and entered the squad room on his mission.

"Tony, pack up, we've got an appointment. Bring the report and everything you've got on June Harris. Ziva, pack up and call it a night. DiNozzo, let's go!"

As they headed out Tony was quietly thinking of how they were gonna break the news to Probie. Gibbs was hoping the Doctor would take this problem and handle breaking it to McGee. Ziva was hoping the guys knew what they were doing. All of them were hoping things were gonna work out okay for Tim.

An hour later found Gibbs and Tony both feeling much better. Tim's Doctor had completely agreed with them about how to help Tim find out about this and help him through it. In fact, he'd called Tim while they were there and requested that he come back to the office for what the Doc had deemed "an important discussion" that night. The guy knew that no one wanted or needed to be keeping this from Tim any longer than they absolutely needed to. He'd advised Ducky to hold off on taking the young man to dinner, so Ducky had instead made due with a phone call to check on the young man, before going home.

While Gibbs and Tony didn't want or need to be there when Tim found out about his mother, Gibbs was determined to be there for him before he even got out the door after he found out. Staking out the Doc's office, Gibbs and Tony waited a good 20 minutes after Tim arrived and headed in before going back in themselves. With the determination of a tenacious bulldog, they waited, ready to be there when they were needed.


	22. On Solid Ground Once Again

Tim felt like he'd just been sucker-punched. Nothing could have prepared him for Dr. Shark's news.

_"Tim, your mother, June Harris, well, you need to read this."_

Dr. Shark had handed Tim a news article from a newspaper of a small town some three hours away from D.C. The details of the hit and run accident that left one fatality shook Tim to the core. Dead? Just three days after he'd seen her? Gone? No chance to ever make things right or get any answers. While his head swam with he reality and resulting questions and unfathomable feelings that were rising up in him, the Doc left him to this thoughts.

It was a full thirty minutes before Tim was able to pull himself out of his headspace and concentrate somewhat on the here and now. With this last stumbling block on the road to being able to put this painful chapter behind him, in proper perspective, removed this way, Tim didn't know what to do with himself. So completely unprepared for this turn of events, he once again felt lost and confused.

While it didn't seem like this left any problems for him to deal with on this subject; in actuality, down deep, it left an unexpected gaping hole where he hadn't even realized one was forming. It had opened up without him even realizing it. One minute he was doing fine, had only one small hurdle left to clear; and the next, the hurdle was gone, only to be replaced by a whole to big to simply jump over and keep going.

Dr. Shark had done what he could for Tim, for now. He'd advised him of his mother's death, made sure he knew that the funeral arrangements had already been taken care of and paid for by someone who had taken pity on her as the victim of the only unsolved crime in that small town in a long time, and silently opened the door to his office, to admit Tim's boss and coworker; both of whom could see that this had indeed thrown the young man for a loop; just as they had feared it would.

As Tony sat with Tim to keep him company and look after him, Gibbs stepped out of the office to speak with Tim's Doctor. They ironed out the need for Tim to have an open door reception with Dr. Shark, at least until he was past this crisis. Gibbs promised the good Doctor that Tim would not be left alone anytime soon. Gibbs handed Tony the keys to the Agency car while quietly encouraging Tim to let the boss drive him home in Tim's car.

Through the fog that had settled over his mind, Tim heard remained a silent statue in Gibbs' absence, not even becoming aware of Tony's presence. It wasn't until the boss returned and spoke to him that Tim seemed to rouse himself enough to at least physically respond to Gibbs' request and almost like a robot, do as he'd been asked. As Tony gently propelled him out to his car, he cooperatively went with him. While Gibbs assisted Tim into the car and quietly told him to buckle up, Tim seemed to remain barely cognitive. So, while he had come back to the here and now, it was only on the outskirts of that place, that he'd managed to get to.

Gibbs hoped, as he looked at his agent for a long contemplative minute, that this setback would be temporary. Somehow, there was a strong gut feeling in Gibbs that Tim would see things more clearly with some food and sleep under his belt. With that belief firmly in place, Gibbs was able to breathe out a sigh of relief and drive home.

Tony drove ahead to pick up some dinner. He also called Ducky to advise him of the results of the meeting with the doctor. Ducky informed Tony that he would arrive at Gibbs' shortly.

Gibbs moderated his driving to respect the troubled state Tim was in. Watching the young man try to regain his equilibrium once again, was heart-wrenching. The guy had been through so much and had almost made it completely through the worst of it all, only to be knocked back down with the finish line in plain sight. How discouraged Tim must feel right about now. Gibbs held on to that belief he'd felt a moment ago, with all of his inner strength.

Determined to help him back on his feet as quickly as possible, Gibbs ushered the young man into the house when they arrived, and propelled him into the kitchen and into a kitchen chair. Setting a small sandwich in front of him, Gibbs quietly requested that the young man eat. When Ducky arrived a short time later, to find Timothy had not attempted to eat what food had been placed in front of him, he poured the young man a shake and after sticking a straw in it, placed it in front of him and directed him to drink it down. Once Tim had done that, Ducky ordered the young man to bed.

Tony had volunteered to stay the night and Gibbs had taken him up on it. He let his agents crash on his bed. Tony would hopefully be able to be there for Tim if he happened to be disturbed in his sleep by anything unpleasant. They would all need to stay up on their sleep if they were to get through this. No one knew how far this would knock Tim back, but everyone was determined to help him back up as quickly as possible.

Surprisingly enough, Tim seemed to sleep peacefully through the night with just a little help from Ducky's administered sleep aide. The next morning found Tim up before Tony or Gibbs. Slipping silently down to the kitchen, he started the fresh coffee and breakfast. A short twenty minutes later and breakfast was ready, being kept warm in the oven as Tim headed out to his car for a clean change of clothes so he could take a shower. It was another thirty minutes before Gibbs appeared in his kitchen, sniffing appreciatively at the pleasant aroma of breakfast and fresh coffee.

When he arrived to an empty kitchen, he was a little surprised. While he enjoyed his first coffee of the day, Tim appeared in the kitchen, obviously freshly showered and completely aware and awake. As soon as he arrived, Tim removed two plates of pancakes and omelets from the oven and set them on the table. Gibbs smiled his thanks and both men began digging in to breakfast in peace and quiet.

After they'd eaten, Gibbs refilled their coffee and carefully got the conversational ball rolling.

"You sleep okay?"

"Surprisingly enough, yes. I don't even remember dreaming about anything."

"Good. You ready to talk about it?" Gibbs pushed.

"About? June? No need, Boss. I'm okay." Tim answered sincerely.

"Really?" the boss pushed.

"Really, Boss. I'm okay. I mean, yeah, hearing about it and reading it in the newspaper kinda shocked me, but I'm okay now" Tim's voice was confident and positive. He had no doubt in what he was saying.

"You know Dr. Shark expects to see you several times this week, right? He's leaving his door 'open' for you." Gibbs advised the young man.

"Why? Because the news hit me kinda hard? Boss, there's no need for that. I promise you, I'm fine." Tim vowed.

"I know you believe that. But, give yourself a few days to process all of this. Then, re-evaluate how you feel, okay? Don't rush yourself. There's no set timetable here." Gibbs advised him. "This isn't a test."

"Boss, after everything you and I have talked about, after everything this team has done and said to hold me up and keep me going until I found my way out of this; with you leading the way, how could I not be okay?" Tim reasoned.

"I know you've made it through the worst of this but that doesn't mean this hasn't set you back a little. If it has, we want to make sure it's a temporary setback. Don't shortchange yourself. Take the extra help. Any way you slice it, it can't hurt, right?" Gibbs replied with reasoning of his own.

"I know you're right . Thanks, Boss. We are going to work today, right?" Tim asked as he changed the subject and pushed to get things back to normal.

"Yeah, let me just get Tony up and moving." Gibbs said with a grin. Maybe Tim really was okay. Now that the initial shock had worn off, he sure seemed to be. Time would tell, of course.

* * *

As the work day kicked in and the hours flew by in a flurry of paperwork and cold cases, everything seemed to return to normal, with the exception of the "Probie hazing" That had disappeared completely. Even the teasing had been turned off for the day. Tony's heart wasn't in it. The break from it actually felt nice for Tim.

By the end of the day, Gibbs had noticed that Tim's claim to be all right, seemed to be backed up by his demeanor and mood. He really did seem to be okay. However, Gibbs would still hold him to the sessions with Dr. Shark. There would be no getting out of those for this young man. Surprisingly enough, Tim didn't argue or even seem upset about it.

As the week wore on, Tim agreed to stay at Gibbs' house until Dr. Shark gave him the 'all clear' to go back home. Apparently, even the good doctor wasn't convinced that Tim had been only momentarily affected by his mother's death. Instead of bucking the system, Tim went along for the ride. He kept the appointments he was given and he maintained normalcy in the rest of the areas of his life.

With one week, his mother's funeral, and several sessions with Dr. Shark under his belt, Tim received the 'all clear' to return to field work and to his own apartment. The team was still leery but they helped him get settled back into his own place and encouraged him to stay in touch in the off work hours. In fact, they enforced it by calling him themselves, at least one of them a night, to check on him. Instead of feeling suffocated, Tim felt like part of a family. He relished it and appreciated it.

Gibbs couldn't help but marvel at Tim's resilient nature. While the sign that had started it all; the hole punched into the wall in the house; had been traumatic and had set off Gibbs' own painful memories, as well as Tim's, it had also strengthen the team's bond with each other and lessened Gibbs' personal pain on several levels.

Having the end results of the tragic episode in Tim's life be that his agent was now able to breathe freely and walk straight and tall without his painful memories keeping him down and without looking back, was the best any of them could have asked for. Tim no longer stumbed over his words when he spoke to Gibbs. He didn't even fear talking to the man like he had before they'd gone through this nightmare. The "Probie" had matured very fast through this experience.

Having Gibbs rise to the occasion and help him through one of the most difficult things he'd ever had to experience, had given Tim a whole new level of appreciation and respect for the man. At the same time, it had opened the eyes of everyone on the team, to the innate parental lion that resided in the heart of their leader. That unexpected knowledge had all of them feeling more secure in the strength of the team and the committment each of them had for the others.

Gibbs had a newfound respect, level of pride and appreciation for one Timothy McGee after watching his personal painful journey through the nightmare that had come at him from outta nowhere. The young man had swallowed his pride and come to Gibbs for help and had worked hard to get through the pain and the mess from there. Even when he'd wanted to give up; Tim had held onto the team's faith and trust in him and let them help him keep going.

The journey had been painful for both of them. Knowing that without even trying or being aware of it, his youngest agent had pulled Gibbs out of his own painful memories and changed the way he handled them and the way he now dealt with the team; was an unqualified bonus; one for which Leroy Jethro Gibbs was actually profoundly grateful for.

FINIS

* * *

_A/N: And so, our journey has come to the end. _  
_To all my faithful readers and reviewers: Thank you._


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